Sometimes, extreme situations call for extreme measures. Case in point: pickup lines. The always cheesy, sometimes endearing, and rarely original bon mots that are uttered only as a last ditch effort to score some booty before the keg is kicked.
To celebrate these notoriously corny one-liners, The Eagle assigned a pickup line to four students willing to compromise their dignity for one night. Did they walk away with a phone number in hand or just a slap in the face? Read on to find out.
CASEY CARTER
Eagle Contributing Writer
The pickup line I used was "I know milk does a body good, but damn! How much have you been drinking?" Can you say cheesy? Despite the overt tackiness, I ventured into the city and began using the cheap pickup line on any man who caught my eye.
The responses I received ranged from a blank, disturbed look to an even more crude pickup line such as, "That's a beautiful dress. It would look great crumpled up next to my bed." A few daring fellows even gambled to answer with the quick reply, "A lot."
After several instances of embarrassment and awkward silence, I realized that if I was going to have any luck I needed to change my technique. I threw out the dull pickup line about milk and replaced it with my own charming humor and sparkling personality. This allowed me to have less superficial conversations with some intelligent guys who happened to be eye candy as well.
Of course everyone wants to impress the opposite sex but sometimes it just comes down to a clich?: Be yourself, relax, smile, laugh. When I used this approach my success skyrocketed and it seemed as though I was honey and all boys were bees.
Being laid back and relaxed proved to be a lot more effective than being entirely explicit and forward. Trying to meet new people isn't about using a pathetic pickup line that's been in existence since the 1970s. If you use a cheesy pickup line, expect a cheesy response, or even worse, an angry one. If you're looking for something besides a cheap, tacky reply, be clever and use your own intelligence and wit to win over the opposite sex. Trust me, it works.
ANDREW RUNKLE
Eagle Contributing Writer
"You know, they say your skin is the largest organ of the human body. But not in my case."
Any girl hearing this cheesy and fairly inappropriate pickup line might very well reply with a disgusted roll of the eyes. Luckily, I'm gay, and sometimes lewd trashiness is just what one needs to have a leg up on the competition, especially if that person is hanging out in the sleazy dance clubs in which I so often find myself.
With an intoxicated saunter and a facial expression that says, "Yes, I'm easy," I made the rounds, trying out this line and experimenting with its success.
Ah, I'd found my target! An attractive man in black pants and a tight button-down shirt leaned effortlessly against the bar, smoking a cigarette very suggestively and nursing the kind of drink that can kill plants and small animals. My kind of guy.
I decided to make my move. Cher's "Strong Enough" was blaring, smoky lights poured over us in an enchanting way, colorful pills adorned with smileys and hearts dotted the floor. The perfect romantic moment had arrived!
"Excuse me?" he said, laughing, looking me up and down. However, whether it was the alcohol in him or the incredible good looks in me, something piqued his interest, and although there were no sparks, he began to talk about himself and offered me his number. I realized I was in too deep, especially since I have an adorable boyfriend, so I turned and walked away, allowing the sweet taste of success to momentarily cover the taste of cigars and booze that normally quenches my palette.
Granted, the certain charm easily afforded by dance clubs can't be found in Terrace Dining Room, but I decided it would be a fabulous idea to try my charms-and sleazy pickup line-in the cafeteria on an unsuspecting victim.
I am afraid, my friends, that I cannot report any such success in the TDR. "You know, they say your skin is the largest organ of the human body," I said, glancing seductively down to my groin, lips curled in a smile, "but not in my case." I repeated the line twice, fearing I hadn't been heard the first time, and received the angry reply that, although he had no idea whether my member was or was not actually larger than the entirety of my skin, he found the line "undignified," "trashy," and "offensive." Man, that guy had some nerve.
He walked away angrily muttering something about having to go to church and "not being gay," whatever that means. I simply don't understand it, especially considering the hot outfit I was wearing. What's a boy have to do in this world? Oh well, his loss.
I'd rate this line with a 50-50 success rate, and suggest that every male try it. Sure, you'll get some laughs, but if you use some tact, you might get a number and avoid becoming D.C.'s latest hate crime.
CHRISTIE CAMPO
Eagle Contributing Writer
"Hi! My name is Christie, but you can call me lover."
If you're a guy, you've probably tried a pickup line before; if you're a girl, no doubt you've had one fed to you.
In my experiences, pickup lines usually receive either an eye roll or an awkward laugh if it is especially corny - at least that is how most girls react.
Now it was my turn to try mine out on a few lucky guys. I was determined to succeed.
Pickup lines are notorious for miserably failing, so I spent a while contemplating the anatomy of a pickup line and how it can be manipulated to work.
I practiced on friends using different tones of voice and body language. I got a unanimous vote from the guys: as long as I was confident and sexy, my pathetic line might actually have a chance.
I conducted this experiment three times. Victim No. 1 could not hear me over the loud music at club Platinum.
The next two reactions I received were priceless.
I danced my way up to my next victim and introduced myself with the pickup line. "Shock and Awe" would be a good phrase to describe his face. It looked as though he was thinking, "Wow! Did she really just say that?"
I then winked and smiled and simply walked away, leaving him in his confusion. He tried to talk to me twice more that night.
I was a bit more seductive with Victim No. 3, which explains why he looked as though he were going to jump me right there.
In my sexiest voice I whispered my line in his ear, slid my finger across his cheek, and strutted away. He hunted me down for a good ten minutes before giving up.
The results of my experiment? Pickup lines can work for girls! Confidence is sexy, and if you act like you're the lover you say you are, there is a good chance he will believe it, too.
Sure, you will probably attract some sleaze, but isn't it satisfying to know the power we have over men?
ERIN FISHER
Eagle Contributing Writer
After spending hundreds of dollars on magazines that give the same tips on how to find a worthy guy, I decided to experiment with the art of barhopping. Assigned with a fool-proof pickup line and accompanied by a couple of gutsy girlfriends, I hit Georgetown. The assignment itself was to approach a guy, turn and point to my friends, and tell him that they wanted to know if he thought I was cute. But before we left, I had thought of a few ways to spice up my pickup experience.
The first subject was a handsome thing standing at the bar with his hands in his pockets. I decided to assume a "fun and flirty" persona. Casually walking toward him, I draped my arm around his shoulders and said in a sweet voice, "I'm Erin. You see my friends over there? They wanted to know if you think I'm cute." With widened eyes he said, "I'm Charlie, and no, I don't think you're cute-I think you're gorgeous." Pleased with the first set of results, and a phone number later, we decided to scope out the next bar.
On the way there, I decided to go for a different approach.
The second guy must have been at least 30-years-old, but I put on some lipstick and tapped him on the back. In a thick accent I murmured, "Hello, my name is Svetlana. I come from Russia, and I am here for two days. My friends over there-they want to know if you think I am cute." Jack, I'll call him, turned six shades of red at my nerve and muttered something about being married.
I was determined to redeem myself. The next two guys I spoke to were rather boring and our conversations ended shortly after I used my pickup line. However, before we left the bar, I saw a tough-looking, 20-something guy. I sauntered up to him, took his cigarette and put it out on the bar. Taking the drink out of his other hand, I turned his chin toward me.
"Hey, my friends are over there-they want to know if you think I'm cute," I said with a small smile. Anthony stared at me with his gorgeous brown eyes and said, "Are you kidding me? You're unbelievably attractive."
So, no matter your style, confidence always helps. Just pair it with a smile and a clever pickup line, and I guarantee you'll go home with a few phone numbers.
