My sister is three years older than I. Her curfew was later, but she rarely took advantage of it. She also drove first and was able to legally drink before I could. Throughout my life, I admit that I haven't been the kindest of sisters, and neither has she. Our relationship has been in turmoil since I turned 12. Although we have both done our share of wrongs, my sister and I don't have the courage to just talk straight.
Instead, we have conversations where we surface talk - you know, converse about things that aren't substantially important: The weather, the Yankees, and yes-and-no questions that are easily answered.
As with many cases with family, love has never been the issue - friendship has. A they grow older, siblings often have problems understanding each other. These relationships are as different as fingerprints. In my particular case, me and my sister's relationship is based on two things: sheer distance and adolescent events.
I've tried numerous times to discuss current issues in my life: relationships, school, career, etc., with my sister. Try as we may, we cannot find the words to convey our emotions openly. Even on holidays the silence is felt throughout the house.
This past Christmas, I wrote a letter to her expressing not only my heartfelt sympathy for things that have happened in the past, but my desire for reconciliation as friends.
Growing up, I borrowed her clothes without asking and maintained a large social circle while she stayed at home most weekends. Looking back now, I realize that I hurt her deeply without even realizing it and, even today, she still has trouble seeing past the experience.
In contrast, my sister tried to rectify our relationship by purchasing a pendant for me that stood for friendship. When I first saw the pendant I was touched, but the feeling quickly faded after I placed my feet onto her section of the couch and was yelled at. Because of this incident, I refrained from giving her my letter. She had tried to make material amends, but it wasn't backed with emotion.
These reasons may seem trivial, but they are important. My sister is a great person: beautiful, intelligent, caring and honest. But she doesn't have the capability to admit that she was wrong too. Now, as the years have progressed, she is living on the other side of the world, and our relationship is condensed to a brief phone call once a month in the middle of the night.
When I think of how my sister has changed through the years, I am so proud of her and what she has accomplished. But I cannot find a real connection between her and me as sisters and friends. Although we don't often see each other, we are so consumed with things that happened growing up, that we both fail to understand that we are different people today with different beliefs and aspirations.
I went home this past weekend and was surprised to hear that she was being sent over to the United States to work for three weeks and would be staying in Bethesda, Md. I immediately felt a surge of energy, knowing that maybe this time would be different. It may give us a chance to finally get to know each other and would allow us to learn who we are as individuals.
The first time I see her I'm not going to be blunt from the beginning. Maybe we could start by going to dinner, and see how it progresses from there. Starting a relationship with someone whom you should know rather well can be both electrifying and terrifying. I know, however, that I'm willing to take the first step. Who knows, maybe I'll finally have the courage to give her my letter.
