I - and I assume many of my readers are in the same boat with me on this one - am finding it almost impossible to generate a comprehensive thought. Being in the middle of studying for mid-terms and spring break being so tantalizingly close, the idea of writing a column has just destroyed my will to live.
However, I have a back-up plan. My inability to write down a long cohesive thought gives me an excellent opportunity to write about the many problems that the AU student faces that just aren't column worthy. For example, writing 500 to 800 words on the important issue of walking etiquette would just be silly. But using a third of a column on such an inane subject would be a much better use of everybody's time.
This is a great transition into my first problem that AU students face on a daily basis: the inability to walk around without getting nearly tackled. I know from personal experience that every time I walk past the Marketplace to get to TDR I get bumped off the road. Usually the perpetrators are Greeks (I say this not to make fun of Greek life, but to merely point out that people in fraternities and sororities tend to form large groups), or athletes or any large clique that can be found on campus. No matter how far to the right I go to avoid them, I still get bumped. Then they have the indecency to glare at me. So, here's fair warning: Next time I am walking to eat and you don't get out of the way, you are getting bumped hard. I will knock you down (unless you're someone who can obviously beat me up). I will not apologize.
Another issue concerning the students, and namely student-administration relations, is the mail service here at AU. I won't complain about how mail takes longer than usual to get from Point A to Point B. That's to be expected in dormitories where hundreds of students live. My problem with the mail service stems from the stupid advertisements that they place in our boxes.
First of all, college students get really excited when they get mail. Surely you all know the excitement of finding mail quickly followed by the disappointment of finding an advertisement for a panel discussion on the media. This problem is augmented by the school's hard-line stance on club flyers. When clubs and bars advertise in the stairwells (which I don't support), the students are charged. In Anderson and Centennial Halls, they have actually made a pile of fliers telling us that the cost of picking up pieces of paper costs the students money. Ridiculous. If it's so costly to pick up pieces of paper, then why are we sent these stupid AU flyers that could be sent just as easily through "Today at AU" e-mails? Personally, I think it would be pretty awesome if a dedicated student actually collected all of these stupid advertisements and dumped them on the floor by the Anderson elevators. If there's one lesson that we can learn from San Francisco (and there are plenty of lessons to be learned there - let's pray they never stop marrying same-sex couples), it's that civil disobedience is very vogue.
I think the funniest thing about stairwell advertising is what brings me to my third and final complaint about AU life. AU students will go wherever a piece of paper tells them to go. The thought process goes something like this: "If they're advertising, everyone will go. If everyone goes, it will be fun." I have seen people go to the same miserable clubs over and over again. At the end of the night, they complain about how packed it was, or how the bartenders kept hitting on them or how the music sucked. Yet next time that they see a club flier, they pack themselves back into the club like sardines and have a terrible time.
Has it really come to this? AU is an accredited university that claims to emphasize original thought. Our student body clearly has issues if a piece of paper dictates their actions over something a little less tangible like past experience. Sure, maybe Insomnia, Glow or Lazio's will be better this time, but what are the chances? Apparently not slim enough to prevent another wasted night.
This was fun. Those complaints definitely made me feel better about the horrifying mid-terms that lie in front of me. That was very therapeutic. Well, I hope you all have a thoroughly therapeutic spring break. Enjoy the time off responsibly and please don't get knocked up. Nothing spoils a good time faster than a pregnant chick.
