There once was a tale of a mighty group that came together and created the best student newspaper across all the land. We kicked them out because they were a bunch of dorks and decided to change things up a bit, and this is what you get. If you don't like it, well, we guess that is your problem.
We like to think of ourselves as 'shock journalists,' modeled after Howard Stern. We've already done all the things Howard did, as profiled in his movie. We had a naked woman in the office; she didn't look like Jenna Jameson though. For our 'editorial and opinion' pages, we are going to opine on our forelorn love lives and lack of money because we think that is what college students really care about. Academic rights and a better student government? Forget it. We don't care, and if you do, well, you're going to the wrong school.
If you have your own opinion, fine, but keep it to yourself, because once again, we don't care. If you send us something, we'll just file it in our circular filing cabinet, and it will become one of many unwanted freak babies. Got a beef about the fascinating ineptitude of the university administration? We'll read it, and probably copy it for ourselves because if you really wanted to be heard, you would already work for us.
So come on out and join the Old Skool Eagle Staff. We meet every day outside the loading dock of Mary Graydon, and occasionally come out in the sunlight. After 5 p.m., your best bet would be Steak & Egg because we never stay around AU after dark. Hey, even a squirrel was groped. We're watching out for our safety.
Check you later, and keep reading, we want the street cred.
