There's no denying its existence. It affects every dating and hookup decision you make, and the ones others make when doing and dishing about you. It is...
THE DOUBLE STANDARD.
Every AU student I talked to agreed that there's a severe double standard that labels guys who play the field as "players" and girls who play the field as "sluts."
I will concede that there are a few men who sleep around who get labeled "manwhores" by scorned one-night stands. But more often than not, it's the women who feel the backlash of the double-standard whip.
So in this age of sexual enlightenment, I have to ask ...WHY? How can someone be considered a slut in this age of "Sex and the City"-esque "pursue-your-pleasure" liberation?
During my investigation for this column, I was shocked to uncover that the primary source of sluttiness rumors is girls.
"I think girls are more likely to vilify other girls," said sophomore Manan Shah.
Sophomore Ashley Schexnayder, agreed.
"If you avidly dislike someone, she's a slut," she said. "If you like her, she just enjoys her sex."
My personal favorite double standard memory occurred at a club notorious for Tuesday night parties.
Things were getting hot-n-heavy between "Army Guy" and me. People had every right to stop and stare, and the men were in awe and egged Army Guy on. But every comment coming from a perfectly lipstick-lacquered mouth was derogatory and directed toward me. It was an unbelievable time, but really opened my eyes.
Think about it. How many guys gossip? They take note of rumors, but seldom do they start them.
However, guys do agree on their reaction to rumors. They don't want to date someone with a bad reputation, but wouldn't object to a night with her.
Chris Ying, a sophomore, said that guys wouldn't want to date a nice girl with a bad reputation, but "the evil girls are ones who play you like a bagpipe at convocation" and are dishonest about their love 'em and leave 'em intentions.
For some girls, there's not just a double standard. There's a double-edged sword to swallow.
"Girls who give head are considered whores; those who don't are thought to be frigid," said sophomore Sarah Lander. "After a girl gives head the guy will brag to his friends, but if she doesn't he'll complain and eventually dump her."
The player-slut dichotomy is exacerbated when it comes to oral sex, especially for girls who want to avoid the "slut" label by not having intercourse and see blowjobs as an alternative. Guys gossip just as much about who gives head and who doesn't, and those girls are labeled either as sluts or stuck-up bitches.
Wait! Don't despair! There are a few exceptions to close-minded people with double standards.
A handful of the guys I interviewed said it was a turn-on when the girl was aggressive and made the first move, and several girls said that they wished they were gutsy enough to take the initiative. On the other hand, when I tested this theory (totally fun research) I discovered that being forward is still untraditional and considered "too easy" by some.
But why do we judge? Do we try to justify our own behavior by making ourselves seem "holier than thou"? Perhaps we're insecure and not yet comfortable with our sexuality, or maybe it's peer pressure to gossip.
Judging is not inherently bad. It helps us to determine the types of people we trust and form friendships with. However, judging too hastily can cause us to miss out on great opportunities with great people.
So girls: put yourself in that slut's Steve Madden knock-offs. Maybe you can learn a thing or two about confidence.
Guys: some sluts are just ballsy girls who know what they want in life. If they want you, whether for the night or a relationship, give it a shot.
If you happen to come across a confident, sexually active girl in your future, don't judge her. Just let her take charge.
Speaking of taking charge, my next edition will be about condom use, or the lack thereof. E-mail me your thoughts on why you use them, don't use them, enjoy them or hate them.
Connie Heiss is a sophomore in the School of Communication. Caught with your pants down runs Thursdays. Jessica Bacharach writes next week.
