IT WAS THE FIRST DAY OF CLASS IN a Milton course, and already the cell phones were ringing. Except this particular cell didn't have the requisite lecture-jolting Cingular theme. Rather, the ring was "jungle ambience." There were toucan chirps, monkey screams, and the steamy sound of dew dripping off fauna coming from someone's backpack. The detail and volume of the ring flung the class from 17th-century England into the middle of the Amazon. The sound was so awkward that even the phone's owner tried to play it off like it wasn't hers. If you're going to interrupt a class, at least do it with a ring you aren't ashamed to have downloaded.
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LOOKS LIKE HOLLYWOOD NEEDS some colon cleansing. Three of the top five highest-grossing films this past weekend had one in their titles. "Anaconda: The Hunt for the Blood Orchid," "The Princess Diaries 2: Royal Engagement" and "Exorcist: The Beginning" clogged the top of the box office with pointlessly pointed punctuation. It seems title-makers are the only sect of the movie industry not adhering to the credo "all audiences have the attention span of a gnat." If that's the case, we can't wait for "The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King: The Abridged Version."
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"READ THE ISSUES! Decide the future!" says the e-follett.com placard above a display of Kerry and Bush books in the campus bookstore. But it looks like the bookstore has its own idea of what the future should be. The Kerry paraphernalia include "Our Plan for America: Stronger at Home, Respected in the World" and "A Call to Service: My Vision for America," both by the presidential hopeful. The Bush sampling is less glowing, and includes "Bush Must Go: The Top 10 Reasons Why George Bush Doesn't Deserve a Second Term," "Worse Than Watergate: The Secret Presidency of George W. Bush" and "The I Hate Dick Cheney, John Ashcroft, Donald Rumsfeld, Condi Rice...Reader." Also given prominence in another display are books by Michael Moore and Al Franken. What, the Anne Coulter fare is already sold out?
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YOU'D THINK IT WAS A GOLD MEDAL. But there was Yellowcard's lead singer Ryan Key, crying over an MTV2 Video Music Award Sunday night. The 23-year-old wiped the deluge of tears from his eyes as he pulled out a list of people responsible for this moment, which was embarrassing even for awards shows. But this wasn't the only cringe-worthy moment of the night. P. Diddy and Bruce Willis celebrated their mid-life crises by leaning back in front-row seats to "Lean Back" by Fat Joe and the Terror Squad. The Bush and Kerry daughters were on hand to convince the audience to vote. In an aural demonstration of how close the election is, both pairs were booed equally. So, in conclusion, was the VMAs show worth the three-hour investment? In the words of Bruno from "Da Ali G Show," "Ish don't think so"
