When it comes to sex, sometimes the bedroom can be a battlefield. Being polite and silent may be traits that can be beneficial in secret governmental operations, but silence is the worst weapon for a successful bedroom operation. Apparently, being polite isn't exclusive to grandmother's dinner table; there is a code of unspoken rules that are practiced by 20-somethings in bedrooms nationwide.
Silence in today's sheets is being used to keep issues like erectile dysfunction quiet. Many women are trapped in bed with the secret of their man's flopsy-mopsy-and-cottontail penis status, believing that they are alone or to blame for his uncooperative solider.
The Washington Post reported last week that Washington, D.C. was ranked No. 2 among 101 cities as having the highest rate of erectile dysfunction. Men's Health originally reported the story, saying the nation's capital has the second highest "number of Cialis, Levitra and Viagra prescriptions dispensed per capita." This bedroom bomber has infiltrated Washington bedrooms, and both men and women are suffering from the latest weapon of mass destruction: erectile dysfunction.
Having erectile dysfunction doesn't make a man an unattractive bedroom candidate, but to many women it makes him more of a challenge. Some women think they can tame his toy solider to stand up straight and perform. In some cases, kinky tricks or bedroom toys can add to his abilities to rule the bedroom battle zone; but in other instances, it is a physical problem that requires medication and sometimes counseling.
Whether just a soldier or a commander in bed, more and more men are suffering from sexual dysfunction. Sexual dysfunction in males varies between the situational, the emotional and the physical malfunctions. Stress has been attributed as a major cause of erectile dysfunction. Erectile dysfunction may stem from alcohol or drug consumption, an uncomfortable sexual situation, and even extreme temperatures.
Mens' issues with sexual dysfunction are commonly more "mechanical," with erectile dysfunction often tied to high blood pressure, prostate problems and sometimes anxiety, according to a recent BBC News article, "The Difference Between Men and Women."
Despite the causes of a soldier's inability to aim and fire his weapon, many men simply pretend as if it isn't happening, or act as if the woman cannot tell that he can't get or keep his warrior in battle.
To help alleviate stigmas associated with a man's inability to perform sexually, both sexes need to get out of their trenches and talk about the issue.
Dating or even sleeping with a flopsy phallus can be frustrating for men, just as it can be for women. The mood is romantic - candles are lit and there is a light buzz following a few glasses of boxed white wine, but when the clothes begin to shed, he can't perform in bed.
The likelihood of a man not being able to perform his mission is greatly increased by alcohol consumption. "Drunk Dick" is one of those bedroom mishaps written off after one too many beers; but the frustration of staying soft is a reality for more and more college-aged men. Talking about the issue, acknowledging that it is happening and working out possible solutions - like medicine or increased foreplay - can help cure the case.
Whether it's a spontaneous moment of passion when he transitions from a real boy to Pinocchio penis, sexual dysfunction can be alleviated for many men with the help of drugs - like Cialis, Levitra, Viagra - and therapy.
But with Bob Dole as the spokesman for Viagra, many college-aged men are not enticed to speak up, get help and join the poster children for sexual dysfunction, especially when the advertisement suggests that you need a walker to require a little penis-picker-upper. But, the prescription and recreational use of Viagra and other similar drugs on the market are increasing with men and women alike.
This little blue pill, covered by most insurance plans, costs about $10 per dose and can earn you medals in the bedroom. The pill works by increasing blood flow to the penis. Once the pill is taken, a man should expect to stay erect for an average of four to five hours at a time or until orgasm. Doctors recommend that if a man holds an erection for more than four to five hours, he should contact a doctor. Like any drug, Viagra and other erectile stimulants can have negative side effects.
A guy I was dating decided to play with Viagra for recreational amusement. The poor guy threw me off of him after he started experiencing shortness of breath, saw blue spots and thought he was seeing aliens. But effects vary for everyone, and many men have been satisfied with the drug's results.
Even Pope John Paul II gave his stamp of papal approval for the use of Viagra and competitor drugs.
But drugs like Viagra are just one option to help bring a man with erectile dysfunction out of his barracks and back into the bedroom battlefield.
While men may rally the troops for one last go with a non fire-able missile, she is thinking: "He is not attracted to me. Can he not get aroused all the time, or just with me? Did I do something wrong? How do I salvage the moment and both our egos to end this bedroom experiment smoothly?"
Meanwhile he is thinking: "I can't get it up! Maybe I can if I concentrate really hard, picture super models, picture hard dicks - correction: picture my hard dick. Does she notice? If she cums, then she'll forget all about my issues..."
Still, whether a man chooses the little blue pill, therapy, natural supplements or simply trying to spice up his sex life and lower his alcohol intake before bed, sexual dysfunction is an issue that needs to be talked about in order to be cured. Acknowledging that this is a common problem among men and discussing possible solutions can help de-stigmatize men who can't get it up and let women, trying to arouse these men know that they are not alone in the battle with his B-2 Bomber.
Jessica Bacharach is a senior journalism major and women's studies minor. Caught with your pants down runs every Thursday. Connie Heiss writes next on Dec. 2.
