It has finally hit me that the Red Sox have actually won the World Series (yay!) and that George Bush actually managed to procure a majority of the American popular vote (boo!). I will be the first to admit that baseball and the election have consumed my life over the past six months, leaving nothing but a fragile shell of a human being left behind. I think it may finally be time to move on and open up a new chapter in my life. One that doesn't involve Republicans.
Indeed, I have decided to dedicate the rest of my very short AU career to meeting new people and reconnecting with old friends. And what better way to do that than to get a facebook profile? Indeed, after weeks of undercover research and this ham-handed introduction, I have finally decided to come out with my irreverent review of this Internet fad.
I originally started with this facebook phenomenon as a way to kill an hour. Unfortunately - and I am loathe to admit this - but I have spent far more than an hour working on constantly upgrading my facebook status. It's a disease, and I just can't shake it.
I do feel like my facebook profile has really taken off. I had no idea that I had 75 friends, or that I was connected to 1,391 college students. What's especially hilarious is that I am connected to 1,391 people and I can't convince a measly one of them to date me. Of course, by "hilarious" I actually mean "self-esteem deflating." I am also a member of 12 different groups ranging from The Eagle (of which I am a very proud member, and, yes, I am maintaining a straight face) to the College Federalists. I am an especially proud member of AU for Peace - not because I am a peaceful guy or anything, but rather because I like to scour their ranks looking for girls who look "morally challenged." Peace is a democratic ideal, and everyone knows that Democrats are easy to get into the sack.
I don't know why I keep joining groups either. I mean, I have never left a post or had a substantial conversation with someone I have met through a group. I just keep joining so I can look more popular than everyone else. Appearances in thefacebook are especially important considering it serves a conduit to reach all those kids in high school who picked on you constantly. (And if you weren't picked on in high school, then you were probably one of the kids who would have picked on me, so bite me.) If they see that you have a lot of facebook friends, then they have to think that things have been going well for you, right? Isn't that what it's all about?
I am especially pleased with the groups that don't make one damned piece of sense. Things like the Alternative Punk Rock, Anti-Pop Club, which claims to be alternative but lists Linkin Park and Yellowcard as the cool new "it" bands. Nice work, guys. Way to be out of the mainstream. Nothing is more punk rock than Linkin Park and nothing is less poppy than Yellowcard. Interestingly enough, this group has more than 120 members. Another favorite is the two-member Goth and Industrial group that is for "industrial, goth, rave, and all others not in the AU mainstream." I haven't been to too many raves, but let me float this thought bubble out there: How many goths have you seen at a rave? Just a thought. This group also claims to be against "Abercrombie and Fitch groupies." As a "preppy" kid with a definite thing for gothy looking girls, I am disappointed by my exclusion. Oh well.
Thefacebook has also taught me some interesting things about my fellow students. Have you heard of a book called "The Da Vinci Code"? Apparently, it's the most popular book in the history of humankind. At AU, it appears to be far more popular than the Bible, "David Copperfield" and "Catcher in the Rye" combined. Ugh.
Under normal circumstances, I would argue that thefacebook has made me somehow lose more respect for my fellow students. But I can't say that, because I am no better than the rest of you. I have been sucked into joining silly groups and poking acquaintances just like everyone else. For this, I have no choice but to congratulate all those anti-facebookers out there who have resisted the Web site's siren song. You are better people than I could ever dream of being ... a better contrarian than even I.
russ.allen@gmail.com
