Welcome to winter: Your extremities are freezing, and the ice is crowning your car, but figuring out your current beau may be harder than defrosting the windshield. Dating an emotional snowman or the WASPy ice queen can leave you frustrated and feeling a bit hollow. The cold weather and cold mates can take a toll on you this winter. While these characters may be emotionally frigid or simply out for a quick conquest in the snow, others will have no problem getting you hot and melting those winter blues.
As a child, or even drunk-on-the-hill sophomore, I loved to build snowmen; I just never imagined dating an emotionally frigid man.
Dating Mr. Freeze: You think you can change him, melt his iron exterior and have him talking about his feelings in no time. Make him watch chick flicks, eat sushi, drink hot chocolate with extra marshmallows in his fuzzy slippers. But he has on his emotional armor, ready to shoot down any attempt to open him up or learn how he got to be so cold. While these elusive snowmen may appear to be an emotional challenge, in reality it's an emotional avalanche that will only storm you and destroy you.
We have all attempted to defrost Mr. Emotionally Frigid. The man who couldn't talk about his feelings, couldn't compromise, and couldn't vocalize his preferences in or out of bed. It's like dating a librarian. My emotional snowman was a law student and while he was charming and witty, he wouldn't let me in. In bed it was often fun play, but when it came to sexual likes, dislikes or emotions, he often gave me the cold shoulder. Men that are outwardly cold and unemotional often cart those traits into the bedroom. In the end, you must learn to appreciate him for what he is, a cold and hollow man of mystery.
The Money Bags Santa Claus: He tries to buy your affection. The sex may be bad, but he thinks he can distract you from the bedroom bust with romantic musts. But spending the green just can't satisfy you. If he doesn't give you the big O then this Santa Claus may not be the man for you. He may possess the qualities you have written on your winter wish list, but sometimes the paper perfect man doesn't translate into an ideal relationship. If the chemistry doesn't erupt, it may be time to send Santa back on his sleigh.
Once the romance goes sour, no amount of money can replace the butterflies you're craving. I've witnessed the non-stop diamonds and dinners, but the tab never added up to true love. The gifts can't make you love him, or arouse love or lust. Despite the Washington rumors, money can't buy you love.
The Snow Surfer: He soars into your bed and into your heart. After knowing you for a week he's in love and can't be without you. You suddenly become his everything as he soars down the emotional mountain of dating. But as fast as he falls in love with you, he falls out just as fast. It's all about the conquest.
After he boards into your bed and spits all the right lines, you may be left with the cold shoulder when he adventures on to the next winter wonderland. Some of these men stay and others are just along for a cheap thrill and a hot ride down the hill of sexual and emotional conquests. But those men who stay and make it with you until spring may melt your heart with their love for adventure and their affection for you.
While his passion for exploration and excitement may be a turn on, once the newness of the experience is gone, your man may soon follow. Appreciate the snow surfer for what he is - a wild ride - and then set him free to adventure.
Many women fall down this emotional hill just as fast. They love you after knowing you a week, can't live without you, but any spark that ignites this fast can burn out just as quickly.
The Gingerbread Man: Catch him if you can ... this winter's practically perfect man is the Gingerbread Man - the overly sweet guy who lays the emotional icing on thick. Value him for the good taste he leaves in your mouth, the compliments and the adorable gestures. Enjoy him for what he is - the classic nice guy with a super sugary shell. Nice guys don't finish last this winter. Just make sure you don't overindulge or you may end up with nausea from too much of this candy man.
While these snowmen may take you for a wild ride with emotional blizzards or sex in the snow, remember to keep your cool and enjoy each one for what they have to offer without getting emotional frostbite.
Jessica Bacharach is a senior in the School of Communication. "Caught with your pants down" runs every Thursday.
