Most college diets have zero nutritional value, but two million points in the category of deliciousness. From Doritos to delivery, it's clear that cheesy powder, refined sugar and greasy take-out compose the tasty but unstable foundation of the collegiate food pyramid. And oh, how that pyramid crumbles.
After hours of studying and partying, when there are no brain cells left, tired bodies may end up feeling like just another empty, cast-off wrapper. The following is an examination of the food-like products of the spiraling downfall.
Domino's Pizza
Out of the more than 7,500 Domino's stores worldwide, only the Tenleytown franchise has the joy of making about 500 deliveries to AU every week, according to Domino's Team Washington. That explains the perpetually revolving delivery guys in and out of every residence hall on Friday nights.
As for the barrage of omnipresent Domino's promotions on campus, students have AU Athletics to thank for pizza propaganda. Pizzas for the sports teams are traded for advertising to the AU community, according to Warren Levy, director of marketing for AU Athletics, and hungry athletes are powered by pepperoni.
However, 500 deliveries a week hardly compares to the 12,000 pizzas Domino's contributed to relief workers in New York City and D.C. following the 9/11 attacks. There's nothing like greasy cheese and sausage in the face of danger. But when terrorists are not in the midst, what do students think of Domino's?
"I try to avoid it because I just think it doesn't taste good," said SIS freshman Dan McGahey, but he admits to ordering it occasionally.
Most students fall victim to the convenience factor. Domino's is relatively fast, cheap and easy to order. And it accepts Eaglebuck$, making it one of the most heavily consumed foods on campus.
"I never ate Domino's until I came here," said Jordan Watts, a freshman in the College of Arts and Sciences. Was he inspired to widen his palate by the persistent spam e-mails and fliers under his door? Actually, Watts is from Germany, a country still without one of Domino's 7,500-plus stores.
-ARIEL AMANTE
Pop-Tarts
Junior Kyle Taylor reflects: "In the crazy world of college, you can always count on the static taste of Strawberry Pop-Tarts, so warm and gooey."
Or even un-toasted and crumbly; either way, Kellogg's breakfast pastry is stuck to the college student experience like jam filling to the roof of one's mouth.
Taylor describes the Pop-Tart in its 22 flavor forms as the "center of snack-time existence." Americans consume huge quantities of Pop-Tarts from childhood to senility, with a high point during the college years. With the pastries lined up one after the other, the amount of Pop-Tarts purchased each year could crisscross the United States 52 times, reported the Pop-Tart Web site.
Steve Morris, a senior in SIS, remembers the nonverbal communication of the frosted squares when he was a child.
"Well, let me tell you about Pop-Tarts," he said. "It was Mom's way of saying, 'I just don't care anymore.'"
His family ate s'mores-flavored Pop-Tarts instead of roasting marshmallows and combining them with chocolate and graham crackers. S'mores is one the most popular flavors, with frosted strawberry and brown sugar cinnamon rounding out the top three nationally.
SIS junior Andrew Lewis discussed the link between the toastable breakfast pastries and alcohol.
"I eat them every other weekend mainly as hangover snacks and I like the brown sugar cinnamon," Lewis said. "As long as I'm drinking I'll be eating Pop-Tarts."
Lewis is from Uxbridge, Mass., where Pop-Tarts even became part of the adolescent nightlife.
"I once drove around my hometown throwing Pop-Tarts at buildings because there is nothing else to do there," Lewis finally noted. "[Pop-Tarts] come right after my cat in terms of importance."
-MOLLY NORRIS
Natty Light
Natural Light, or Natty Light, as it is fondly referred to, is "brewed for a naturally smooth taste," according to the silvery, picturesquely illustrated can. Introduced in 1977 by Anheuser-Busch, Natty Light has managed to climb its way up the college food chain by demolishing the competition with its monstrously low prices.
For $7.99 at Tenley Mini-Mart, a socially inept introvert can acquire a case of 24 cans, enough to ignite the party, serve a slough of alcohol-thirsty rowdies and keep the conversation flowing. And when the supply runs low, with the intensity of this beverage's consumption, the cash for a second case can easily be rounded up with less than a dollar from each participant.
Despite its tempting low prices, the most popular taste comparison is to that of urine.
"It's like foamy urine ... not that I would know," said Marcella Gillis, a junior in SIS. "I'm a big fan of drinking it with a straw so that it passes over my tastebuds."
Melissa Beal, a junior in SOC, has a more positive take on the flat, watery flavor.
"It tastes like piss in a can, so it's perfect for getting piss drunk," she said.
Though the savoriness of Natty Light is questionable, one Tenley Mini-Mart employee said, "Cheap beer isn't a bad taste."
"It's generic, but there's no big difference," he said.
He did admit to the big sales surrounding the brew that's at the height of university civilization.
Most gatherings featuring Natural Light are met with groans and dreams of more expensive lagers. But until college students are willing to fork over the extra cash for a more delectable drinking experience, Natty Light will suffice for those Friday nights when your pockets can't get any lighter.
- REBECCA ARMENDARIZ
Macaroni and Cheese
It's the best day of the week to many students. Wednesday is macaroni and cheese day at TDR, and students can be seen rushing down the steps to get a mouthful of D.C.-style home cookin'.
It's cheap, it's easy to make and it can be found in practically every dorm room.
"Mac n' cheese is great because I can make it quickly when I'm on the go," sophomore Carrie McNeilly said. "When I don't have time to go to the grocery store, I don't have to worry because I always have backup Easy Mac to sustain me for a while."
According to historians, Thomas Jefferson first served macaroni and cheese in the White House in 1802, after bringing the delicacy back from Paris. The meal became popular in 1937 when Kraft introduced it as a boxed dinner. When competition from brands like Velveeta hit the market, Kraft introduced new shapes and flavors to expand its culinary empire. Noodles in the shape of spirals, wheels and even popular cartoon characters became everyday foods. Consumers were even able to choose between flavors like nacho cheese, Tombstone cheese pizza and white cheddar. In 1998, Kraft presented Easy Mac, microwaveable macaroni and cheese in single serving packages, perfect for latchkey kids, lazy teenagers and college students alike.
Currently, Kraft sells 7 million boxes of macaroni and cheese every week in 151 countries. The macaroni and cheese trend crosses social boundaries, appearing in pantries, cafeterias, dining halls and even fine restaurants in almost every major city.
Most college students unknowingly go on a "mac n' cheese diet" because the meal is easy to make and a comfort food for those away from home. Many students are reminded of their childhood when they consume the product.
Sophomore Alaina Appleman had some suggestions for preparing the best dish.
"Never follow the directions on the back of the box. You have to decide how you want the macaroni to be and make it yourself, your own way," she said. "You have to make it into your own personal creation."
As the semester progresses, Kraft will continue to provide college students with a meal that can be ready in fewer than four minutes. -JENNIFER VARADI
