We want it hot and ready to order whenever we are having a craving. Sex, that is. And yes, we want a shake with that, too. As a fast-food nation, have we become so enveloped in our own lives, in our super-sized careers and souped-up cars that we have let dating become something that only comes in a very select few Happy Meals.
The trend toward a casual attitude regarding sex, and the whole idea of friends with benefits has left romance at the door and allowed sexual experimentation and the wham-bam-thank-you-ma'am effect take the driver's seat in today's dating fast lane. Contrary to popular belief, women like sex too, and with sexual exploration being promoted by the media and the former U.S. president, women and men are enjoying sex and ignoring romance.
My theory was again proven when I was out and about and decided to interject myself into conversation with a sexy, stylish retired frat boy. Harmless, I thought. But within hours and a few rum and diet Cokes later, he pronounced that this sexy single doesn't buy girls dinner.
"I know what you girls want and I'm not going to give it to you...," he said.
A flashing red light went off: What a sad jerk, I thought. Some girl must have really done a number on his heart. I had just met the man and already he wanted a dating pre-nup. Simply because I am a woman and I am casually flirting with him, clearly my real agenda is to empty out his heart and his wallet before he notices either are gone.
Is romance dead or has it just been put on lay-away until 20-somethings have the time and money to do it right?
Now, I have tried the romantic route. I dated a lobbyist for almost two years who was a romance fanatic, addicted to showering his woman of choice with exotic flowers and spur-of-the-moment trips to South Beach. But every bone in my body viciously fought against his straight-from-the-heart gestures. He must have an agenda, I thought; he must want something from me. And he did. It turned out he wanted to marry me, an idea that at 21, sent me running for the nearest toilet.
Why does romance make some women uneasy?
I'll admit the idea of romance scares me. I do like to indulge in cheesy chick flicks, cuddling, of course, and being dazzled with delightful dinners. But when I graduate from romantic gestures to more intense emotions, I freeze. Romance and the boogie man are just two of the things that wake me in a cold sweat late at night.
Many women are afraid to give men exclusive access to their romantic sides. Once a man has entered chivalric territory, he will be showering you with love confessionals and romantic gestures, and before you know it your guard is down and he has made himself at home in the exclusive territory of serious dating.
Once a man says "I love you," then it is also much easier for him to hurt you. After all, now that he has full access to your emotions, he can trample all over them, but he can also love you. Are skeptical 20-somethings ready to take risks in romance or have we become so accustomed to the game and being psychologically messed with that when a man genuinely loves us we run for the door?
Wining and dining also takes time, money and energy. With the career hunting and the lifelong journey of finding yourself, is instant gratification simply a more economically sound emotional choice that lets 20-somethings explore and leaves the pink roses and romantic weekends at the door?
We want our love the way we want our McDonalds: super-sized, with fries. We want it cheap and convenient, when we want it and how we want it. We want this drive-thru dating to fill all of our wants and needs, sexual or emotional, right away.
But love and commitment take time, energy and trust; it's not exactly a cheap proposition. With all of life's other distractions, it's easy to put romance on the back burner and indulge in the work and play of the big city. Our generation is too stingy to put in the time it takes to turn a crush into a relationship.
So in between finding Mr. Right and Mr. Tonight, women and men are turning to friends with benefits to fulfill their sexual needs, keeping the sex hot and the commitments few and far between.
Now the man is still wandering the dating scene, with his smooth promises of no dinner or dating. He wants to get into a woman's pants, and her head, but is much less concerned with getting into her heart. Men like my Mr. Anti-Romance love sex with no strings attached, and since romance and commitment aren't for everyone, we should appreciate these men for what they are: the Ronald McDonalds of the dating scene.
With this trend of men wanting fast and easy sex, dating may end up in the American History Museum. Spending the weekend in New York City with my roommates I quickly learned that Washington is not the only city where the lost art of dating is almost no longer practiced. One of my favorite New York brokers was telling me that with all the time and strain of careers and meeting the guys for beers, dating takes second place to hot sex and hot bars.
On the fast track to instant gratification, with fast-food, drinkable yogurt, cell phones and DVD players standard into today's trendy cars, are we a society that has put life on fast forward, sex included? Are we rushing through the motions, scarfing down the opposite sex like a Big Mac? Are speed dating and one night stands the trends that will sustain our ultra-productive twenty-something society?
Our 20s may be a time for hook-ups and hanging out, but in the name of romance, spooning and possibly an eventual marriage proposition, I hope our generation outgrows this serious dating phobia by their thirties, or forties at the latest!
Jessica Bacharach is a senior in the School of Communication. E-mail her at eaglepantsdown@yahoo.com.
Caught with your pants down runs every Thursday.
