I knew I wasn't going to sleep with him. Why? Because I liked him. It was date three with my beer-chugging environmentalist and so far I was impressed. I had taken him bowling, he had taken me to dinner and while I was fantasizing about getting him naked, he also made me laugh. My roommates couldn't understand what was so amusing that I would stand in the corner of my favorite bar and giggle the night away, but it was the boy.
He was funny and charming and real, and he bore a slight resemblance to Matt Damon. He was so nice I couldn't wait to make-out with him. No, not sleep with him, not ride him until the sun came up, I just wanted to make out with him; do the kissing, groping eighth grade action that I had spent my adolescence embracing on my old boyfriend's couch.
"What kind of guy would I be if I didn't try?" my date said. When he says try, he means try and get in my pants.
When was the last time you overheard a guy at a bar bragging over tequila about his killer make-out session? When did you overhear a guy retelling his almost-sex escapade, boasting about how the girl he was trying to get naked just wanted to make out, and how sexy he thought that was.
Well, I can answer that question - almost never. Making out has somehow been lost in the race to get into a woman's pants as quickly as possible. But once a man works his way below the belt, does he then go back and repay a visit to all of her neglected above-the-belt areas, like her neck, her earlobes and the top of her back?
It seems hooking up went out with "The Wonder Years" and New Kids on the Block. But just because we are in our 20s, why does that mean that sex is an add-on to dinner and a movie?
Making out may sound like something you left behind years ago, but the fine art that it is has been ignored by our generation.
The bases are a classic make-out gauge. Let's review in case anyone forgot or has amnesia: First base: kissing, necking and anything involving tongue above the shoulders. Second base: shirts off, hands or mouth on. When performed properly it can be hot, when performed poorly it feels like a mammogram. Third base: Everything's a lollipop. And the home-run is sex, sex and more sex. But you never saw Babe Ruth bypass the bases and go straight to home plate. Even if he wasn't going to hang out there, he at least grazed each base.
I miss long, hard kisses and muscle massages. I miss the making out foreplay taking up hours until our faces were red, our bodies covered in a jacket of sweat, until our lips were sore. And the handcuffs, the ice cubes and the feathers, all of these accessories are a part of the making out process, but those are optional.
With all of the risks of pregnancy, STDs and an uncomfortable morning after, why not save the sex for a few dates after the initial phone number exchange? Can sex be great if you just wait, even if it's just a date or two?
Sipping drinks in the midst of Madhatter's Thursday night action, an old girlfriend from college was telling me about how she missed making out.
"Sometimes I just don't want to give him a blow job. I'd just rather cuddle," she said.
While both men and women love sex, some women like it more than men. But sleeping with someone random is almost never as satisfying as the idea seemed while you were drunk, lonely or just in need of sex. Random sex, even on date three, is never as good as sex on date six because the comfort level isn't as high. And sex is never satisfying when one person has to hold the yelling and orgasm back because they are afraid of what their new partner may think.
Before you decide to take your desired man or woman straight to home base, here are some things to contemplate: Can he spell your last name? Do you even know his last name? How drunk is he? Are you drunk enough that you may throw up? How upset will you be if he doesn't call or cuddle afterwards? Will he look good naked? Will you be more satisfied going home alone? If you are too drunk to write down your phone number, you may be too wasted to give an Oscar-winning "Deep Throat" performance, and maybe saving sex for later may spare you a bad lay and the aggravation of having to kick Mr. Bad Lay out of your bed in the morning.
