A Valentine's for Two to Remember
6 p.m. - Share a chilled bottle of Moet. Cuddle on the couch and watch "When Harry Met Sally" on your Bang and Olufsen entertainment system with surround sound.
8 p.m. - Enjoy a candle-lit dinner at Chef Geoff's while holding hands under the table. Share a plate of spaghetti and re-enact the famous scene from "Lady and the Tramp." Order oysters and other aphrodisiac foods.
10 p.m. - Call a cab and ride to Dupont Circle for a quick stop at Cosi, obviously to pick up a thermos of very trendy hot chocolate to go.
11 p.m. - Continue on cab ride to the monuments, where a bouquet of roses is waiting in the middle of the World War II Memorial, with all of the lights focused on it. Suddenly (though not coincidentally), "My Heart Will Go On" begins playing from the bushes. You embrace. Slow dance ensues.
12 a.m. - Make out in the shadows of the monuments, under the stars, all the while whispering about how great it is to be with someone you love on Valentine's Day. Or shamelessly suck face in front of the lonely souls moping at Lincoln's feet. This is your night, you lovebirds.
1 a.m.-9 a.m. - Doing, well, you know.
9 a.m. - Time for a romantic breakfast in bed together, and realize that every day is Valentine's Day when you have someone who loves you.
Another Night of V-day ... Single Style
6 p.m. - Swig Andre straight out of the bottle and watch "When Harry Met Sally" on your third-hand television with sound that only works half the time. Wallow in self-pity.
8 p.m. - Order Domino's thin crust pizza on EagleBuck$ and two orders of Cheesy Bread. And an extra Buffalo Kickers. Stumble downstairs to under-tip the pizza guy; he doesn't deserve it because he probably has a girlfriend waiting at home. Crack open the first of many Natty Lights.
10 p.m. - Finish off six-pack of Natty Light. Stumble into neighbor's room to complain about being alone on Valentine's Day. Try to get neighbor to shotgun beer only to find out he is getting ready to go out on a date. His fly is open, but you let him leave anyway.
11 p.m. - Wander the halls, desperately looking for a sex columnist or hot greek member to hook up with. OK, fine, ugly Greek member will do. Or a sports columnist ... maybe that's going too far.
12 a.m. - Come back to dorm alone, realizing that it's been yet another Valentine's Day spent entirely and utterly alone. Make a vow to at least arrange for your ex to come visit for a hook-up next year. Start pricing Amtrak tickets now.
1 a.m.-9 a.m. - Doing, well, you know.
9 a.m. - Wake up with head leaning on that damn Ikea garbage can, cursing anyone who believes in love. Sob through vomit. Clean yourself up and head to class.
