Microsoft attempts to buy out competition
Microsoft recently told Nintendo and Sony to "go screw" and sent both companies large unnamed sums of money never to make consoles ever again. "I just...I just...don't like competition," said Microsoft head honcho Gill Bates. "Just take my lunch money and leave me alone!" Sony and Nintendo took the money, but still refused to agree to an Xbox-opoly.
-FRANK COX
New baseball game to feature steroid use
Microsoft today unveiled a new baseball game being internally developed for its Xbox console. Titled "Juiced 2007," the game features the steroid controversy in Major League Baseball. In between games, in a special "Training Mode," gamers will have the option to give individual players sterioids. However, every time a player takes steroids, he runs the risk of being caught during random testing throughout the season. "Juiced" will hit streets next May, but will be available with a prescription next week.
-JODY BIN SAUD Nintendo sort of reveals details about new 'Mario' game
Shigeru Miyamoto, creator of Mario and Zelda, recently came close to divulging details on the next Mario game. The famed designer said the game, to be released on Nintendo's unnamed and still mysterious next console "Revolution," will feature innovative new gameplay "never seen before. Mario wears many hats, and he'll rock plenty more in his super new game." Miyamoto refused to say anything more, expressing his fears that someone will steal his "genius new ideas."
-TOM DUH
Electronic Arts announces college newspaper sim
Electronic Arts and Maxis yesterday announced "Sim College Newspaper." In the Will Wright-developed game, players will be able to come up with lame headlines, stupid last-minute story ideas and more. Stay up too late and you'll miss not only deadline, but your class the next day. Smart gamers will truly reap great awards, however, in "Eavesdropping Mode," in which players try to overhear people's reactions to the paper around campus.
-THE GAME
