Fast-food eaters nationwide were frightened and disgusted by the news that a Wendy's customer recently found a severed human finger in her chili. Despite the potential public-relations nightmare, Wendy's has done a good job handling the situation, first declaring that all of its employees are in possession of all 10 of their fingers and then offering $50,000 to anyone who could provide information leading to finger's owner.
The accuser was found to have a history of filing and dropping lawsuits, leading many to point their finger (or stub) at her, suspecting foul play. A better way to make money off the finger-bean might be to put it up for auction on eBay, while a better Samaritan would likely report it to the local lost-and-found.
Perhaps not coincidentally, the AU College Republicans held their Carnivore Initiative Wednesday to rally against vegetarian and vegan lobbyism. Though there is no truth to the rumor that the event was originally called the Cannibal Initiative, the Chili-gate incident will only drive more people to the loving and surprisingly crunchy embrace of veganism. At the least, fast-food eaters will be crossing their finger(s) from now on every time they head to Wendy's.
Wendy's, for its part, has taken this opportunity to publicize its "beef integrity" code. While some disgruntled students sometimes refer to AU as a "fast-food education," the beef integrity code pales in comparison to our own academic integrity policy. While AU students can potentially be expelled for plagiarism, Wendy's food is actually encouraged to be cooked uniformally. While we don't have any beef with that policy, we are concerned for the academic freedom of hamburgers that are not taught any alternate lifestyles.
