"Drunk people probably shouldn't take showers, because they could drown."
- Anonymous tip dispensed at a Saturday evening get-together
In the hallowed halls of Mary Graydon, a random young vagrant has put a whole new spin on the phrase "lazy days of summer." Apparently disillusioned with whatever housing he's currently enjoying (or not enjoying), the unidentified individual has been spotted numerous times of late holing up on the corner couches found on the second floor of MGC. Sometimes sleeping, sometimes cruising the 'Net on his laptop and sometimes simply hanging around, the itinerant seems quite pleased exploiting MGC's summer lull in foot traffic. Leave it to the bare bones summer Eagle staff to break this momentous story, since they have nothing better to do than hang around the second floor of MGC, either. __
Peoplewatching in D.C. is usually rewarding, but sometimes it's downright disgusting. Case in point being last Tuesday, when an errant motorist nearly flattened a handicapped man attempting to cross an intersection near Dupont Circle in his wheelchair. Instead of realizing his mistake and reversing his car to give the man more room, the driver decided staying put and laying on his horn was a better idea. If this isn't ample proof of the deterioration of common courtesy and decency in society, it's hard to tell what is. Put down that cell phone, get off of AIM and go find another human being with whom to share a huge bear hug, immediately. __
Summer at American University is a horse of an entirely different color. The quad is calm and peaceful. The hordes of smokers typically found milling about the steps of Ward are reduced to a few stragglers. New faces abound, and walking around campus doesn't mean you'll run into nine people you could live quite comfortably without ever having to see or talk to again in your life. Instead, the usual suspects have been replaced with swarms of out-of-towners attending AU's summer conferences. These idealistic, well-dressed, badge-toting youth are doubtlessly navigating through comprehensive classes and seminars on how to administer cities, take over the world or even become president, and we salute them for populating our campus with anonymous fodder for university photographers to plaster all over Admissions Office materials. __
The grassy knoll was once home to the School of International Service Annex, a dilapidated experiment in "How long can we leave this here until people realize just how useless it is?" Luckily, the annex was bulldozed a few months ago and replaced with an inviting patch of luscious green grass. As great as this is, it's still up for debate if doing handstands in bikinis on said grass, as two intrepid females were recently seen doing, is a good idea. On one hand, you'll attract tons of attention from passersby: professors, landscapers, young children, Eagle editors. However, you'll also attract a row of sleazy guys waiting for the exposure of something more than what's currently visible. We'll let you decide if that's good or bad. __
Just in case anyone was worried about threats to the status quo, everything on campus is still closed. Need to mail a package or make a copy? Don't worry, the UPS store still isn't open. Craving coffee, a Subway Club or an unhealthy snack? Never fear, the Eagle's Nest still shows no signs of not being locked up tight, ever. Time for a haircut? It's quite possible Hair City might never be open again. Downtrodden Eagle staffers were too crestfallen to venture all the way across the quad for coffee and indie ambience at the Davenport, fearing it would be just another sad dead end. Luckily, McDonald's is still serving as a beacon in a tightly boarded up culinary world. If that's really what you're into in the first place.
- MARISSA NEWHALL
