It doesn't take adolescent boys very long to figure out that if they keep touching themselves in a centralized location they will produce a euphoric feeling - and eventually something that needs to be cleaned up before mom walks in.
I had my first real orgasm while I was still in my "Days of Delusion" (I still thought I was straight) while watching some Alicia Silverstone movie where a kidnapper forces her to undress. By the time I was jerking off to guys, I had this masturbation thing down to a science. I would say with almost 100 percent certainty this is the same story for all males. Not that they went from Alicia to Adam in the course of a couple years, but by the time they get to college - hell, by the time they get to high school - they knew how to get themselves off. This is why I was so surprised to learn that so many of my female friends had never masturbated.
I understand that girls may not be as comfortable with their bodies, and female masturbation is a more involved process, but if we are to believe Freud's assertion of the strong drive of the pleasure principle, then I would have assumed that most girls mount the shower massager at least three times a week. This is not the case. As I began to talk to more girls about this trend, something interesting emerged. The girls that did masturbate were usually the ones with satisfying sex lives, who in the off times, enjoyed their vibrator. The girls who didn't masturbate (even the ones that had had sex before) expressed apathy about sex, and some had never had an orgasm. After they picked me up off the floor, I sat down to think about this for a while. At first, I couldn't imagine how you could go almost 20 years without an orgasm. So I reasoned that if they began to masturbate and learned what works for them, then they would be better able to achieve an orgasm during sex.
The way that adolescents have developed sexually explains why sex is not very gratifying the first several times. Boys are skilled at getting themselves off from an early age; girls are not skilled at all. So when they get together for the first time, the guy knows how to get himself off, and the girl has no idea. The result? A few quick thrusts and the guy is done, and the girl is left wondering, "Is that it?" But don't worry, with age comes experience, and just like porn stars can overcome their gag reflex, guys can increase in stamina, which leaves us with what the girl must overcome: herself.
Those of you who are too afraid to touch yourself need to ask yourself one thing: "To cum or not to cum? Is it nobler to never defile oneself at the risk of never experiencing true bliss?" (Did I mention I was a literature major?) If using your hand isn't doing it for you, then take a trip on down to Georgetown or Dupont, swing by the Pleasure Place and pick up something to aid you. For the beginners, I recommend a small vibrator used solely for clitoral stimulation. The veterans should pick up something a little bigger; perhaps you remember a certain "bunny" made very famous by "Sex and the City?" You won't be let down.
So now that I have you all staying in at night to spend some "alone time" (and have single-handedly doubled the sex toy industry's revenue), there are just a few more things you should understand with this new insight on masturbation. Ladies, if you have ever been frustrated giving a hand job, you should now realize that it is just because guys are so used to getting the job done themselves that anyone else's technique is going to make the process a little more difficult. Gentlemen, especially those lucky enough to be dating a woman who knows how to get herself off, often let their ladies take the lead in bed. Women who know the spots to hit can find them easier than you. Why do you think they like being on top?
The important thing to remember about sex and relationships is that communication is key. Guys: you know when you are getting more chafed or scraped than you are aroused, so let your partner know. Ladies: if something is uncomfortable or painful, tell your partner how it should be. This shouldn't be a source of embarrassment, just a vocalization of what you want. The goal of any sexual encounter should be an orgasm for both parties, so do what you need to do to make this happen. This should result in another kind of vocalization. Uncontrollable screaming and moaning is definitely a sign that you have been successful in giving your partner what they want. But if you are blaspheming or shouting expletives during a late night session, and you happen to be next door or above me, keep it down! I'm trying to jerk off over here!
