I am sure that, like myself, you were all intoxicated with the hit song "Don't Cha" this summer. Without bothering to listen to most of the lyrics, I immediately adopted the chorus as the siren's call to committed boys everywhere that I was too irresistible for them. Had I listened carefully to the verses, I would have realized the song's true pedantic message: "Fight the feeling/Leave it alone/Cuz' if it ain't love/it just ain't enough to leave a happy home."
The accuracy of these words is surprising for a group that calls themselves the "Pussycat Dolls" (not that they were actually the lyricists for the song). Nevertheless, there is a lesson to be learned from these fine, booty-shakin' ladies. Cheating, though seemingly attractive and empowering (especially for the third party), hardly ever leads to a happy, stable relationship.
You may be wondering how I can speak with such authority on this subject. In the last two years (roughly the time I have been sexually active), I have hooked up with at least ten other people's boyfriends. I know: I'm a Jezebel, a Monica or - more specifically in my case - a homowrecker. In my defense, I didn't know that about half of these guys had boyfriends, which makes me wonder if there is even more I don't know about...
Regardless, time and again I have fallen for the same lines from committed guys: "My boyfriend doesn't understand me." "I am feeling very distant from my boyfriend right now." "We have an open relationship." Maybe some of you guys and girls have used these lines as well, and maybe some of you have believed them, like me.
Don't worry, I'm not here to make either of us feel like bad people. It's perfectly understandable to want what we can't have. If we believe the Bible word for word, then temptation was the first sin. Eve may have been lusting after an apple, but she and Adam were naked in that garden. It's logical that even today the thought of getting it on with a committed man or woman is pretty enticing to most of us; almost as enticing as it is for them to cheat on their significant other. I'm not going to lie. Hooking up with someone you know is in a relationship can be pretty damn hot. But afterwards, when they can't get you out of bed fast enough, you feel like you confessed that you had leprosy at the moment of climax.
So what does this mean for us? We are doomed by genetics to forever lack the ability to be faithful, and when we do cheat we are inevitably going to feel horrible about ourselves? No, certainly not. Like overcoming any seemingly impossible task, i.e. addiction or a Rubik's cube, awareness is the first step. If you learn that someone is committed to another, then that should be your first indication to steer clear. As tempting as it is to whisper, "In the back of my mind I know you should be home with me..." in their ear, resist! The ego boost that comes from successfully seducing someone else's lover is short-lived when you realize that you didn't mean that much to them to begin with.
If you are the one cheating on your lover, then you shouldn't be in a relationship in the first place. You're in college, you aren't married and you shouldn't have kids. If you don't want to be monogamous, then be single! After these indiscretions, there is always backlash if other people found out. The third party in this situation never comes out looking like a victim, nor does the one in the relationship who cheated. These are the people who have been shot by the jealous lover when the affair is revealed, and the shooter has been acquitted in some cases. Is that a chance you're willing to take?
Perhaps you choose to live dangerously, or perhaps your self-esteem is perilously low. In either case, take it from me. If you want to live dangerously, try going to The Eagle's Nest in roller skates and booty shorts (that was an interesting Halloween). If you need a self-esteem boost, find someone who cares about you - and only you. Screwing a cheater will only expand that hole in your body where your soul used to be attached.
So next time you are at a party, bar or club and you see that certain someone who left the ball-and-chain at home for the night, go ahead and mouth the words to "Don't Cha" from across the room. But leave them alone. Let them look, but never touch.
