"Like a fat cat purring when you stroke his mane/Like the top dog riding on the gravy train."
- Baron von Bling
An angry AU affiliate composed and recorded a song dedicated to the current scandal sweeping campus. The above lyrics are just a sample of what the jam offers. "Baron von Bling," author of the song, explained his purposes in a letter to the editor. "My intent in recording this piece was to inject some levity into the emotional debate about the university president's alleged misappropriation of school funds," Bling wrote. More power to him. See story "Baron von Bling's 'Robber Baron of AU'" __
Showers are so much better with a little music to wash to. Or at least a student in Letts Hall seems to think so. Residents walking into the women's room around 9:30 p.m. on Monday night discovered a boom box blasting Bob Seger's "Night Moves." Clearly audible even outside the bathroom were lyrics like "Over past the cornfields where the woods got heavy/Out in the backseat of my '67 chevy/Workin' on mysteries without any clues/ Workin' on our night moves." An alarmed witness said she saw the suspect leave the bathroom after nearly 15 minutes of Seger glory-without the stereo. The "Night Moves" aficionado returned five minutes later to retrieve the device.
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Ah, the wisdom that comes with collegiate experience. A pair of ordinary-looking upperclassmen were seen walking through the quad Monday night, when one offered the other some sage advice about freshman women. "Dude, don't fuck the freshman class," he said. "Why?" inquired the other. "30 cases of Herpes," explained the mentor. "Those youngin's," concluded the apprentice.
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"IF EVERYTHING COULD EVER FEEL THIS REAL FOREVER!" Sang an AU professor in the SPA computer lab Wednesday night at the top of his lungs. His vocals were accompanying a student's phone boisterously ringing out the Foo-Fighters hit, "Everlong." Rather than suggest that the young man turn the ringer off, the professor exclaimed, "Man, I love thatÿsong."ÿ
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Dear every band that has ever opened for a band we actually wanted to see enough to pay the ridiculous Ticketmaster prices,
We know you think you rock harder than anything else on earth. We know you dream about one day forcing the current headliner to open for your totally stellar amazing guitar riffs. We know you think that at least some of the people in the audience waiting for the actual show might be there to see you. We know you think you're going to sell a thousand copies of your CD immediately after the performance. Well, we have news for you: you are horribly, horribly wrong. In fact, you are just plain horrible. Thank you, and get off the stage.
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"She deserves to get cancer,"
proclaimed a young woman walking towards the Nebraska parking lot earlier this week. The woman's companion flicked her hair behind her shoulders and nodded matter-of-factly. It would probably be safe to assume that this woman was not a senior professor in the Justice department, doling out a prudent postulation after a tough class. Thus, the only reason anyone would ever be able to say such a thing with any authority would be because they were, in fact, Jesus Christ. Hail Mary, call the chaplain.
-Compiled by The Scene staff
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