In my first social anthropology lecture, the professor introduced the way we perceive other cultures by saying, "We are initially tantalized by the exotic." I found this phrase provocative and surprisingly accurate for the way we approach foreigners. When I arrived here it was hard not to be aroused by the multitudes of accents speaking our purported native tongue. The English are very proper and soft-spoken, the Scottish more rough and clipped and the Irish speak so hastily and with bizarre inflection that it's difficult to catch even a word or two. Nevertheless, each was exotic to me, tantalizing in its pronunciation and strangely enticing.
It has always been my understanding that Europeans were more advanced in several ways. In the UK they can smoke at 16, drink at 18 and generally finish college by the time they are 21. It was only natural to assume they should be more sexually mature, as well.
Like the Latin Americans of our continent, the Italians and Spanish have the reputation of being remarkably passionate in the bedroom. Even after having studied last semester in Rome I can make no claim as to whether they are the "Italian stallions" we assume them to be, but if the way they leer and jeer at women in the street is any indication, they have few reservations when it comes to expressing their desires.
This may be better illustrated by the trip I took to Barcelona. After lunch, I made a quick stop at the bathroom. Consisting of a sink and a tiny stall, it was barely enough to accommodate me, but that didn't stop a sexy Spaniard from immediately following me in. Taken aback, I closed the stall door and used the toilet as quickly as possible. I opened the door to find him smiling seductively at me. Frozen like a native in front of a conquistador, I allowed him to grab my face and force his tongue about halfway to my stomach. When he began to go up my shirt my inner Puritan cried out, and with a quick "lo siento" I ran out the door and was down the street. Did I mention I was at a Pizza Hut?
This is something that wouldn't happen in America. Perhaps in the wee hours at a club under the influence of too many cranberry vodkas, but surely not sober in the early afternoon at a fast food place. Nor is this something that would happen in England. Enticing dialects aside, the cold climate of Northern Europe is mirrored in their sexual reservation. Their attitudes closely follow ours when it comes to getting down, so why do we make allowances for looks, personality and intelligence because simple conversation is so stimulating?
It's for the same reason a few of my friends have fallen for the Eastern European basketball player, the softly spoken French photographer and half of Leonard Hall. We are entranced by their unfamiliarity, their deviance from predictable Americans. The lure of the exotic seems to subvert common sense in the same way that Long Island iced teas result in the loss of inhibition.
I will admit I have already completed my UK Bingo card, having experienced Scottish, English and Irish (Welsh are a free space, since they are generally mixed amongst the three). But I have done so with the knowledge that none of these would be the "ideal husband."
When our sexual conquests can be reduced to their native origins, it is not so much a declaration of compatibility as it is a singular accomplishment of our brush with the unknown. They are too alluring to pass up, like an illicit iguana or simian that's not meant to be domesticated. We enjoy them briefly and, recognizing the error of our ways, return them to the wild.
Intoxicating, perhaps, but like any mind-altering substance, it is a euphoria that is typically short-lived. The hangover that results from realizing your mate may never share your love of Thanksgiving or Fourth of July, and wasn't raised on a steady diet of "Saved By the Bell" and "The Wonder Years," makes them seem like aliens whose planet you had the distinct pleasure to visit for a short time. As tempting as they might be, a python or a Siberian tiger will never be "man's best friend." Just ask Siegfried and Roy.
