Each Thanksgiving morning, thousands of people line the streets of New York City to watch the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade, as millions more watch from their living rooms around the country. Elaborate floats and "falloons," those oversized floating balloons carried along in the parade, are an indelible American tradition. However, there are a few things you may not see at this year's celebration:
Early '90s Mickey
Mickey Mouse has dirty jeans, used sneakers, long johns, a flannel shirt and an apparent heroin problem. Courtney Love calls him "cute" and an "American classic" before falling off the Mothers Against Drunk Driving float.
"Scooter" Libby
Think Bart Simpson on his skateboard, but instead of spiky yellow hair there's a strange tuft of gray, and instead of a skateboard, there's a ball and chain. Judith Miller is traumatized when she makes eye contact with the falloon through her 58th story apartment window.
Clifford the Big Red ... State
What it looks like is unimportant. What is important are the falloon-ateers (the people who keep the falloon from flying away). Only Americans with the highest morals will be allowed to hold this one down. The Red State falloon flies away shortly after parade begins, when Donald Rumsfeld and Condoleezza Rice get into a fight over which is better, "The Santa Clause" or "Christmas with the Cranks."
Donald Trump
After watching Disney's "Honey I Blew up the Kid," The Donald pays a few hundred million dollars to have himself blown up to 500 times his normal size. He forgot to buy the power to float above New York City, so he is forced to walk the parade route. In an ironic turn of events, he trips on a homeless shelter and is impaled by Trump Towers. No one seems to care.
Giant Tofu Cube
In efforts to appeal to a wider audience, the classic Thanksgiving turkey falloon will be slightly altered this year. Both vegans and vegetarians will cheer as a giant piece of tofu flies overhead, instead of the cheerful pre-oven Thanksgiving bird of yesteryear.
