The Internet has everything. Thankfully everything includes holiday gifts for friends, family and people that you're obligated to give gifts to, even if you secretly hate them. This year, avoid the throngs of feverish teenagers and rabid moms at the mall and let the thought count from the privacy of a Web browser. Here are 11 affordable gift suggestions that can be shipped to the front door in time for the holidays.
iGuy - $34.95 www.speckproducts.com Think of it as buying an outfit for man's best friend, the iPod. This little gadget fits all 4G and photo iPods and is available for other models. The poseable arms and sturdy feet enable iPods to stand, pose and even vogue as their users do the opposite: dance.
Whiskey BBQ sauce gift basket - $37.50 www.anchorsfoodfinds.com A truckdriver cum foodie hawks these whiskey-infused BBQ concoctions in fancy gift baskets. The packages feature sauces from Jim Beam, Maker's Mark, Jack Daniels and Wild Turkey, which anchorsfoodfinds.com calls the "finest whiskeys known to mankind."
Chest hair T-shirt - $19.95 www.Durkl.com This T-shirt says nothing if it doesn't say "manly." While some people get uptight about public knowledge of their body hair, everyone knows someone who wants to augment it. Short of investing in or creating some sort of freak nipple and chest toupee, this is the only way to make that friend's natural-sweater dreams come true.
Credit card bottle opener - $24 Fitzu.com When it comes to taking care of business, only one thing can get more done than a credit card in the paws of an American twenty-something. That's right, a credit-card-shaped stainless steel bottle opener. Your friend might not thank you with an expensive beer, but she'll probably be happy to at least open it.
Freudian Slippers - $24 www.uncommongoods.com If getting the right gift for your psych major friend is making you sweat because he always analyzes whatever you get him, blind him with a pun! He'll be too busy chuckling to accuse you of being in love with your mother.
Refillable Record Book - $28 www.buyolympia.com Music is your sister's life. She's put music into her life, so now help her put her life "into" music. This blank 90-page vinyl record-bound book has just enough space to hold all her secrets, and if it doesn't, it's refillable.
Customized Compact Mirror - $6.50 myfavoritemirror.com Anyone who is lovely deserves to know it. Get them this compact mirror and give them a chance to look stylish while they realize it. Design the back to feature any image that you fancy, or rather, what your friend would fancy.
Pint Lock - $5.50 www.benjerry.com This is the perfect roommate gift. That bastard sneaks your ice cream and thinks you don't notice. This snarky gift serves two purposes: first, to let him know that his dairy delinquency is no secret, and second, to take care of the gift you're obligated to give him.
Personalized playing cards - $13.00 www.imagestation.com Your uncle won't take his lucky socks off for the entire football season. Maybe if you put a photo of them on a deck of cards, he'll be able to lose less consistently and smell better at his weekly poker game.
Subversive cross stitch - $15 www.subversivecrossstitch.com The Beastie Boys have a song called "Boomin' Granny." It's about how sexy grandmas can be. If your grandma is this type of grandma, show her you know and you appreciate it with this subversive cross stitch kit that includes everything to make two doilies that say "assclown" and "fucktard," among other choice words.
TV-B-Gone - $19.99 Target.com Many moms have a natural aversion to television. It supposedly rots your brain and makes you violent, and she's spent her whole life trying to make you wholesome and peaceful. Give her this little gadget that can turn off virtually any TV. Hey, you don't live at home anymore anyway.
