"I can't believe it is butter!" - TDR patron overheard questioning shady dairy products.
College students are notorious for their poor money management skills. Sometimes, however, certain costs cannot be avoided, as one student was heard to complain this Friday night. "I can't believe I spent $90 on birth control," the student complained loudly while walking through a heavily populated Anderson hallway. __
The Legend of the Maccabeans has come to the Eagle's Nest. For $4.50, you can purchase a bag of pure sugary salvation. The legend goes: "Suddenly Judah chanced upon a small pot of jelly beans. ... Judah apportioned the beans equally among his men." Also included is the bag were multiple conjoined beans, speaking yet another debate on "intelligent design." So high on the WTF chart. __
One domestic Scene staffer was cleaning out her putrid refrigerator the other day, thinking this was a solid move in the name of her kitchen's salvation. After dumping three eggs down the garbage disposal, she frantically searched for a switch to turn the newfangled contraption on. No such switch was to be found, and the roommate asserts that the machine is actually broken. Great. Just great. __
The award for the most pointless multi-tasking finally has a recipient. Obviously using every part of his brain, a student in MGC was seen exerting his mental might one recent evening by simultaneously playing two versions of the same role playing game on two different computers and watching what seemed to be a violent movie on a personal device. Rumors that he'll complete economics homework in exchange for espresso shots remain unconfirmed. __
A young man was spotted getting a haircut in the Tunnel in the dark with a pair of normal scissors. Right there, three reasons that's a stupid idea. But that didn't stop him and his makeshift barber from littering the ground with pieces of obviously unwashed dude hair, which naturally blew hither and thither through the Tunnel. Some of it, thanks to one unfortunate chap's no good luck, lodged itself between patties of a $1 Double Cheeseburger, wrapped and knotted around pickles and ketchup. Gross. __
Conspicuous drug usage in the dorms is always fascinating. A note to folks who insist on doing loud drug deals at four in the morning: "Dude, well first of all, obviously it's four in the morning. Secondly, you're wasted already! You don't need more drugs. Honestly. And thirdly, you're asking to be had by a dealer, lured to the sketchy alley behind CVS and robbed blind, not that you could see too well when you got there anyway. Think, my man!" __
No matter how ridiculous their haircuts usually are, parents are actually pretty useful. Please take note of some of the gems of advice imparted upon some AU students in recent memory: "When you get to college, make sure you don't look into the sun!" "Be careful driving out there, son! It just finished raining and those roads are slicker than deer guts on a door knob!" "Son, do you know how to put on a condom?" "One time Bruce Johnson got knifed on the London Underground SO WATCH OUT FOR YOUR PURSE!!!" Thanks, guys.
- Compiled by the Scene staff
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