The old adage is that absence makes the heart grow fonder. What it fails to mention is the effect it has on the libido.
If your heart grows fonder, than your sex drive certainly escalates as well. In the past, lovers divided by distance had to rely on letters and telegrams to express their sentiments to each other. My grandparents were married only months before my grandfather left for World War II. My grandmother spent her first year of marriage with a stack of letters instead of her husband. By the 1960s, women (and presumably men) had grown more impatient, and it wasn't uncommon for a soldier in Vietnam to receive a "Dear John" letter ending the relationship they had left at home.
Long distance relationships are hardly easy and never ideal, but at least we're privileged to live in an age when letters are no longer necessary to express our emotions. We have e-mail, international cell phones and instant messaging; all designed to get in touch with anyone, anywhere. Whether we choose to use them to maintain foreign affairs or break up tastefully over the Internet, long distance lovin' has never been easier.
I knew that my bags would be quite heavy when I left London, but I had no idea with exactly how much baggage I would return. The flight attendant and I hit it off and spent most of the last two weeks together. When I left, I wasn't ready to call it quits just because there would be an ocean between us.
Luckily, technology is there to save the day. Over break there was a multitude of e-mails, phone calls and instant messages. Though the time difference does make it challenging, it never feels like we are really that far apart. It's hard to say if my heart has grown fonder, but I can definitely say that my libido has soared.
Enter technology once more. I started having cyber and phone sex when I was 17, but after I came to college it drastically declined. But like riding a bicycle, typing one-handed and pressing a phone against my ear with my shoulder is something I never forgot. Surprisingly, my London lover had never engaged in phone sex, so I got to take a different kind of virginity.
Most of my friends think that cyber and phone sex are for the socially challenged. They think that if you aren't able to meet a real person to have sex with then there must be something off about your personality, appearance or self-esteem. Obviously, I don't agree with them.
I will admit that cyber sex can be a little ridiculous, when the most common expression of an orgasm is "mmmmmmmm," or even worse, "ahklfhioahfpasl." If someone actually produced a sound like the latter expression at the moment of climax, I would probably think he or she were a good candidate for an exorcism.
But some people find the anonymity, or the separation from reality, exciting. No one has to see you naked unless you want him or her to. You can be whomever you want. You don't have to be as skilled as a porn star; you just have to talk like one. Also, unless you don't wash your hands (or any other toy you may use), you don't have to worry about diseases.
If the person you are talking to or chatting with does happen to be your special someone, than there is definitely nothing to be embarrassed about. You have the benefit of knowing who they are and exactly what they look like naked. It may also give you the opportunity to voice some of your fantasies, with the possibility of staging them the next time you meet.
Cyber and phone sex will never completely take the place of the real thing - no one likes masturbation that much. But as N'Sync said in "Digital Get Down," "If we can't get together naturally, we can do it on the digital screen." So until your lover is back on your bed, desk, backseat or any other place you can think of, pick up the phone, get online and get off. If you get disconnected, I'm sure you'll know how to finish the conversation yourself.
