When you meet someone new, there are many things to consider. Are you attracted to them? Do you think that you could actually hold a conversation with them? Could you see yourself with them? Do you like their personality? Are they interesting? Intelligent? Funny? Do they make you smile when you talk to them? Do they make you crazy when you don't talk to them? But even with all these questions, why does the approval of our friends seem to be what matters most of all?
When I was in middle school, my best friend would break up with someone if I didn't like or approve of him. Granted, these relationships consisted of little more than phone calls and group dates to the movies; my introduction to romance set the precedent that friends were more important than any relationship.
As I moved from high school to college with friends who could balance their time with friends and their boyfriends or girlfriends, I began to realize that sometimes what really matters most is how you feel. But if you find that your relationship alienates you from your friends, where do you draw the line?
One of my friends had a boyfriend that no one liked. No one. Since she was one of my best friends, I supported her relationship because she was happy. Nevertheless, I found it increasingly difficult to hang out with her. More and more of her time was occupied by her boyfriend, and I saw her less and less. At first, I was just angry, and then a little upset. As the situation progressed, I started to become just apathetic. I no longer called her when I was going out, and her calls became less frequent as well. I saw her relationship shift to the top of her priorities, and her friendships fall by the wayside.
Part of me wanted to mourn the loss of a good friendship, but the other part of me thought how stupid it was to get so serious in college, and yet I guess another part of me was jealous that she had found someone to make her so content. I have never met anyone who has made my friends seem less important, so sometimes I still don't quite get it.
When I meet someone new, I don't immediately think about introducing him to my friends. But the longer I get to know him, the desire to share my life with him becomes more important. Of course I wouldn't expect my friends to tell me that they think he sucks, but if he didn't fit in, I think it could diminish my feelings.
When we come to college, we leave our families behind. In several ways our friends become our families. Some of them act like parents; most are like siblings. Their opinions matter to us because they share our daily lives. They know all our secrets and support us in ways that our parents are no longer able to.
So you meet someone new. You find them attractive. You talk for hours and hours. They seem to have a good character. They make you think, laugh and smile. You wonder what they're doing when they aren't around.
You introduced them to your friends and everyone gets along great. After a couple of months you notice that your friends don't call as much. You run into them accidentally on the quad and wonder when the last time you saw them was. Suddenly you can't seem to remember what you have been doing lately. Has it really been that long since you talked? It seems too pathetic to admit you have been with your boyfriend every weekend, so you exaggerate about your work.
As you hurry off to class, something seems to shift. A feeling of uneasiness rises in your throat. Did you finally find someone that has made your friends unnecessary, or have you simply limited yourself to that person because it is easier than spreading yourself around?
One day we will meet someone who will fill our lives forever, but when that happens, we must remember that our friends are our foundation. If you want to build a life with someone, you can't forget who rests beneath you and holds you up. If you don't maintain your foundation and then lose your significant other, you might be surprised how quickly everything can crumble.
