To set the right mood for a Valentine's Day date, location is everything. Eighteen years of practice in one's hometown can teach any young lover that the sports bar, the school library and the DQ are the worst bets for a successful Valentine's outing. Now, as young adults in Washington, D.C., such mistakes could be repeated for four long, humiliating years. However, some skillful sleuthing reveals that certain locations in this fair city will only result in romantic disaster.
Locking lips could prove difficult at the Korean War Memorial, where the watchful gaze of bronzed soldiers is sure to stifle even the most raging of libidos. The rainy march immortalized by the memorial is everything Valentines Day isn't: cold, wet and wearing a poncho. Also of note for would-be-blunderers: Wearing a poncho, even in the event of inclement weather conditions, is a foul in any book of love.
Wherever one goes for an amorous excursion, stay away from the Metrobus. Harsh fluorescent lighting doesn't compliment anyone's skin tone, and the uncomfortable seats make for awkward fidgeting. Take a cab, a carriage or walk to enjoy the fresh snowfall. It's more personal and allows for intimate conversation, unfettered by crazy bag ladies.
Love letters are the ultimate in romantic acts, and sure, they require postage. Nonetheless, The National Postal Museum is far from the ideal passionate destination. Not too many lovers are impressed by an exhibit on Revolution-era mail service or migratory hunting stamps. Skip the trip and write a gushing letter instead.
In the 1987 classic teen film "Can't Buy Me Love," Patrick Dempsey learns that not even $1,000 can satiate his nerdy heart. In honor of Dempsey and this landmark production, it is advised that all earnest young lovers avoid The Department of the Treasury this Feb. 14. While diamonds may be a girl's best friend, America's pennies and dimes certainly aren't.
The distribution of beads and its related activities make Mardi Gras the least romantic holiday of the year. As if this spectacle wasn't enough, the holiday is perpetually celebrated at the District's least romantic nightclub: Lulu's. Lulu's Club Mardi Gras offers a nachos and quesadillas happy hour this Valentine's Day, which is sure to create some gastrointestinal embarrassment later in the evening.
While some believe that the staff members at Chinatown's Hooters are living images of Botticelli's Venus, dates may not appreciate the white T-shirted view. Though the wings are to die for, the glare from perturbed girlfriends will surely cause anyone to lose their appetite.
Arguably the most unromantic location in any city, the D.C. Department of Motor Vehicles is no place to woo a mate. Its long lines and surly workers are something akin to torture. Also, by some cruel cosmic design, even the most attractive people look frightful in a driver's license photo. Squinty eyes and messy hair won't win over the best date.
While creativity is an important ingredient to any date, this Valentine's Day, stay away from unpleasantly unromantic locations. For a holiday that's all about mood, the wrong locale could upset the love barometer and break the deal. So be sure to be at the right place when taking aim with Cupid's arrow this Tuesday; location is everything.
