Let's not kid ourselves here: Everyone keeps skeletons in their closet, if "skeletons" is a metaphor for "shitty music" and "closet" is a metaphor for "heart." And there's nothing more exhilarating than driving around when the weather is inviting, blasting the songs that make you feel infinite.
Sure, these songs may not be of the highest caliber, but there's something about traveling at 50 miles per hour that induces a feeling of invincibility: You're singing at the top of your lungs, the summer breeze is caressing your face, and as for anyone who catches a few seconds of what tripe is blaring from your car, they're already a hundred feet behind you and you'll never see them again! Until, suddenly, you screech to a halt at a red light and simultaneously feel that smug grin melt off your face. Stopped in the lane to your right is a car full of kids your age all judging you in unison. You can't just subtly turn down the volume; the damage has already been done. The next minute or so of Wheatus' "Teenage Dirtbag" is transformed into an eternity of public scrutiny and humiliation.
1. Yellowcard, "Ocean Avenue"
Oh, those intricate guitar melodies and breathtaking drum solos ... Oh wait, I'm thinking of Rush. Nevermind.
2. Soul Decision, "Faded"
The fact that the "S" in "Soul" is purposefully not capitalized should say enough about this band's musical credibility. They do, however, win major points for their aggressively seductive lyrics. "Girl, you know you got it, and you know I want it," indeed.
3. Six Pence None the Richer, "Kiss Me"
This was the theme song of "She's All That," and evokes memories of your pre-pubescent self-swooning over the heartwarming romance between Freddie Prinze Jr. and Rachael Leigh Cook. "Why can't that happen to me?" you lamented back then, and there's undeniably a part of you that still wonders that now.
4. Hot Hot Heat, "Bandages"
Hot Hot Heat: Those two months where 90 percent of teenage girls' LiveJournal icons featured an image or lyric of Hot Hot Heat made us all want to kill ourselves. But "Bandages" is just ... so ... catchy...
5. Hilary Duff, "Come Clean"
Like "Laguna Beach," only without the cocaine. It's so wholesome, yet so raw. There's no way to adequately convey the necessary level of sarcasm.
6. The Outhere Brothers, "Don't Stop (Wiggle Wiggle)"
Perhaps a less-known song, but one of note nonetheless. Its lyrics single-handedly represent two steps backwards in the women's rights movement. And the radio-friendly censored version is, surprisingly, even better than the original: "Girl you've got to suck my (wiggle)/And you've got to suck it quick."
7. Lit, "Completely Miserable"
It would be impossible to count how many times a 13-year-old boy giggled awkwardly while singing along to "You make me come," and, after being scolded by his mommy, justified it by pointing out, "LOOK! It's you make me complete." Phew. Close call.
8. Oingo Boingo, "Little Girls"
It's mildly disturbing to profess one's love for a song with blatant pedophilic overtones. We love little girls, but not in that way! Sicko.
9. Mariah Carey, "Heartbreaker"
The best part of this song is Jay-Z's solo rap that complements Mariah's piercing croon. It's like the Bible: Boring until Jesus shows up.
10. Oasis, "Wonderwall"
Your girlfriend just broke up with you, so you're driving around by yourself in the dark with the windows down, the music flooding your ears. The lyrics simultaneously comfort and smash your already broken heart as you belt out, with tears clouding your vision, "AND AFTER AAAAAAAAAALL, YOU'RE MY WONDERWAAAAAAAAAALL..." Sometimes those words just mean so much.
