You have heard me write many times about how much I value my friends and how I have always set them above any guy that has come my way. But I am sure you can agree that there are times when friends, whether knowingly or not, can be your absolute worst enemies.
If you read the April Fools' edition of my column then you are aware of some of last weekend's events, but let me present to you just the facts. On Thursday, it's true that I did see the so-called Mardi Gras Menace out dancing up on someone else when we had never officially called things off. After I appropriately grabbed his arm and waved my hand in his face, I did send a text message letting him know that his public actions were insensitive and not appreciated by me. Who cares if I chose to get that message across by texting him with "Fuck Urself."
After insisting that my friend leave with me immediately, we quickly hailed a cab and headed home. My friend proceeded to tell me how stupid I was to expect boys to be faithful. "This is how guys are," he kept insisting. "You can't just leave a club every time you see someone you don't like." I was astounded. If I left a club every time I saw a previous hook-up or a guy I didn't like anymore I wouldn't be able to go anywhere in this town or in a couple cities in Europe. I couldn't believe that someone I considered such a good friend would be so insensitive. In the morning I realized that it was just his cynical attitude and I wouldn't go to him for sympathy anymore.
Nevertheless, I was still licking my wounds on Friday and decided that a more chill night was in order. I decided that a house party was definitely the best plan ... especially after having to listen to another good friend tell me about how great his boyfriend was. As supportive and as happy as I want to be for him, it just seemed to strike a nerve that night. The only cure was copious amounts of keg beer. It's true that the Electric Slide was performed, but I didn't make it past first base with anyone that night.
Saturday was going to be my night to redeem myself. There was a new boy from Georgetown - we'll call him Austin - who was going to Blue Gin with me. I was pretty sure that things would go well. I met him through a friend who I had known for almost a year. The friend and I weren't very close; we would occasionally flirt, but never did anything more. I assumed that our ship had sailed.
As soon as I arrived, I approached my friend and my new prospect. I barely got a word out before my "friend" blurted out, "Guess who Austin hooked up with last night!" I didn't need to hear any more. Austin's and my friend had completely sold him out and simultaneously crushed any hopes that I had of having my chance with him.
The thing to keep in mind is that some of our friends know us better than we know ourselves, and sometimes they aren't willing to continually repeat the same drama time after time. Our best friends may seem to fail us when we are feeling most vulnerable. Knowing our tendency to bounce back from disappointment, they don't allow even the briefest period of mourning and insist that we move on.
Other friends only want to share their relationships with us, completely unaware that their happiness has cast a shadow on our lives. But they will never assume that we don't want to hear about how happy they are; our ready ear is always expected. Others who are little better than acquaintances can take us by surprise when they sabotage what we thought was going to be something new and exciting. We shouldn't be shocked when they have their own agenda.
The only way to understand the way our friends treat us is to understand our friends. Don't set false expectations for them or assume they see things the same way you do. The demise of your relationship may be the worst thing that ever happened to you that night, but it is not the end of their world. They can be a shoulder to cry on, but when their shoulder is already soaked, what more can we expect? If you get tired of hearing about your friend's relationship, work on changing the conversation to another positive subject. And like I have told you before (but apparently needed reminding of myself,) don't try to come between friends.
