Every Thursday, I share a little bit of my love life with you and offer what I think are good lessons to have learned. Now, I have decided to let you ask me about what you want to know. So now every Monday I'm going to answer your questions, straight from my e-mail inbox. We won't share your name, only your question. So fire away, you just might learn something...
Dear Blair Bryant,
My boyfriend of three years and I broke up not too long ago. Despite the obvious emotional distress, I am also worried that the next person I sleep with will think that I am really inexperienced. My boyfriend is the only person I have ever slept with, but we had sex on a regular basis. My friends have all slept with several guys and seem a lot more relaxed about sex. Do you have any advice for me?
-Recently Single
Dear Recently Single,
I wouldn't worry at all about appearing inexperienced. You're not a virgin! Though the first time you sleep with someone new it will seem very weird, it will gradually become more comfortable. Having sex with a large number of people does not necessarily make you more experienced. You have probably had sex more times than most of your friends combined.
I think you'll find that this experience will serve you well. People often like to discuss the dichotomy of quality and quantity. In the case of sexual partners, it is probably a better idea to strive for quality over quantity. One bad one-night stand could sentence you to a lifetime of herpes or an unwanted pregnancy.
And as I already mentioned, a high quantity of partners doesn't mean a high quantity of sex. You have the double advantage of having had a large quantity of sex with a high quality partner. My advice would just be to not rush into anything. Sleeping with someone new can be fun and exciting, but it can also be scary and regrettable. When you meet someone new and want to know them more intimately, just set your expectations aside and enjoy the new experience.
Dear Blair Bryant,
I spent the summer interning in New York where I met an awesome guy who happened to also be the best sex I've ever had. Obviously at the end of the summer I had to come back to D.C. and he lives in New York. Although we're not seriously committed, I still want to maintain our relationship. I plan on moving back to New York for good in less than a year and there isn't really anyone here I am interested in. I don't mind masturbating but that only makes me want him more. We've tried phone sex, but I think it's kind of stupid. What should I do?
-Sexually Frustrated
Dear Sexually Frustrated,
First of all, I think you need to evaluate the reasons you want to maintain this relationship. If you aren't serious about each other, then why are you depriving yourself of meeting anyone closer by? But if the benefits outweigh the disadvantages, then you'll have to make it work for you. There are a couple ways to do this. You could try an open relationship that would allow you hook up with other guys. Usually a "don't ask, don't tell" policy goes well with that sort of arrangement.
You also have to figure out how phone sex can work for you. A lot of people feel stupid having phone sex so they don't really take it seriously. Phone sex is about vocalizing a fantasy. You can't enjoy a fantasy you don't really believe in. Put yourself fully into the scene and I think you'll enjoy it a lot more. If you don't want to do either of those things and you can't visit each other more often, you might just need to invest in a good vibrator.
Have a burning question or sensation when you urinate?
E-mail your sex queries to blairbryant.nichols@gmail.com. Answers will appear in future issues, but we'll keep your name and contact information confidential. Come on! Everybody does it...
