The dorms shut off air conditioning and two teams from the Midwest are playing a World Series that nobody cares about, so it's about time baseball season ended. Here are the Eagle Awards for the 2006 season.
The Javy Lopez Award (Best Performance in a Contract Year): Jeff Suppan, SP, STL
In 15 innings against New York, Suppan allowed only one run (which came on a bloop single) and was named NLCS MVP. No matter how Suppan pitches in the World Series (which won't matter because nobody is watching), some team will feel compelled to give him a four year contract worth 32 million dollars that they will regret by next June.
The Hideki Irabu Award (Most Over-hyped New Yankee): Johnny Damon, CF, NYY
Another case of the Yankees throwing too much money at free agents, Damon actually had really good numbers in the regular season. However, he joins the list of overpaid Yankees who failed to get it done in the postseason (which is basically their entire roster except for Jeter and Rivera), as New York failed to win the World Series for the sixth year in a row.
The Ruben Rivera Award (Worst Baserunning): JD Drew, RF, LAD
The Dodgers weren't going to win the NLDS against the Mets, but they had John Maine on the ropes in Game 1 until JD Drew got tagged out at home by Paul LoDuca, just seconds after Shawn Green gunned down Jeff Kent at home. Ah, a play involving Shawn Green wins the Ruben Award - too perfect.
The Isiah Award (Worst Performance by a G.M.): Jim Bowden, Nationals
"Trader Jim's" biggest mistake was not making a trade involving Alfonso Soriano at the deadline. Apparently Bowden's demands for the newest member of the 40-40 Club were too high for any team. With Soriano ready to become a free agent, all teams need to give up is money to sign him, something the Nationals don't have.
The In-The-Face Award (Best injury to the facial region): Aaron Rowand, CF, PHI
Anyone who runs into a wall face-first to catch a ball deserves some sort of an award. Then again, it could have been the baseball gods' way of telling him to not try and rob David Wright of a hit with the bases loaded.
The Bret Boone Award (Worst Commentary by a Current Player): Eric Byrnes, OF, Ari
Byrnes is nowhere near as bad as Boone's commentary during the 2003 playoffs, which involved him gushing over his brother Aaron. In fact, Byrnes hasn't said too many stupid things (or maybe he looks smart next to Tim McCarver). However, nobody can take him seriously because he looks like Fox dragged a homeless guy off the street and gave him a microphone. During Game 2 of the World Series, Byrnes was wearing an oversized overcoat that looked like it was stolen from the Salvation Army. Get some nice clothes and a comb, then try again next season.
The Kerry Wood Award (Most Inevitable Injury by a Pitcher): Francisco Liriano, SP, Min
Oddly enough, in a year where both Wood and teammate Mark Prior had extended stints on the disabled list, neither one of them win this award. Outside of Pedro Martinez's injured leg, Liriano's elbow problems had the most impact on the playoffs. With Liriano, the Twins would have had the best 1-2 combo in the playoffs, and would have been tough to deal with. Instead, the A's managed to beat Johan Santana in Game 1 of the ALDS, killing Minnesota's chances to advance.
The Rollie Fingers Award (Best Moustache): Jose Valentin, 2B, NYM
Really, if you've ever read this before (or have ever spoken to me), you don't need an explanation for it. If you do, just do an image search for Valentin and revel in the splendor of his pornstache.
Honorary Lifetime Achievement Award: Nelson De la Rosa
While Negro League great Buck O'Neil probably deserves this award for his life-long contribution to baseball, nobody who reads this ever saw him play. For this reason, De la Rosa, forever known to college students as "Pedro's little friend," is this year's recipient. The picture of a goggle-wearing Pedro holding up the 28-inch tall actor after defeating the Yankees in Game 7 will forever be etched into the memories of all of Red Sox (and Anti-Yankee) Nation.
For those of you that miss Pedro's midget too much don't worry, as you will have the chance to see his body in a museum exhibit in the Dominican Republic. No, I am not making that up.
