Let's be honest: the Super Bowl this year was boring. There were more turnovers than the weekly two-hand touch game that I play in and Prince's halftime show would have been a great idea if it was still 1984 (or even 1999 for that matter, but party we did not). Worst of all, the commercials were generally uninspired, so here are five commercials that should have aired.
1. Coors Light, starring Dennis Green
Seriously, how did this ad not air? Using Green's tirade after losing to the Bears was an obvious choice and would have been on par with the Jim Mora "Playoffs" commercial. Here's the possible dialogue:
Guy in Crowd: We tried a lot of other beers and they just didn't stack up to Coors Light. Are you surprised?
Green: They're who we thought they were.
GIC: Budweiser claims that they are "The King of Beers." Do you agree?
Green: If you want to crown them, then crown their ass, but THEY ARE WHO WE THOUGHT THEY WERE.
2. AARP, starring Brett Favre
Honestly, if Favre were to star in a commercial for the AARP, it would mean that he was retired, which is something that everyone can get behind.
3.Benihana, starring Gilbert Arenas
Imagine: a group of people sits down for dinner, and Arenas comes out in his Wizards jersey and a large hat and starts cooking their food. He then starts slinging meat at everyone while yelling "Hibachi" until Kobe Bryant walks in and Arenas hits him in the face with some fried ice cream and yells, "Quality shots."
4. McDonald's, starring Lindsay Lohan
Apparently during her rehab stint, all Lohan wanted was "sex and McDonalds" (according to a text message she sent "The Hills" star Brodie Jenner . classy). I imagine a commercial where Lohan orders sex and McDonald's at the drive-thru, only to crash her car into the restaurant and be sent back to rehab.
5. Big Brothers of America, starring Jack Bauer
Jack Bauer's big brother, Graham, ended up being a very bad man, so I can see Bauer becoming the spokesman for the group. He can teach children the valuable art of suffocating people with a plastic bag, as well as how to hold it in for 24 hours (because there is no time for a bathroom break, dammit!).
