This is an open letter to all Democrats of voting age.
I am a young, optimistic member of the Republican Party. I disagree with your party on most issues, and though I recognize the importance of working together, all things considered, I would rather have one of my candidates in the White House than one of yours. With that in mind, I have only one real request of you: Please, please nominate Hillary Clinton for the presidency.
It's simple, really. She is the one surefire way to get a Republican elected. Go on! Please stay away from Barack Obama and his youthful optimism. That would only build bridges and help reunite the country. Go for the polarizing figure, the one that will further the political divide. We Republicans have put up enough moderate candidates that those in the center will almost certainly not be swayed by Hillary's extremism.
In fact, you'd better stay away from John Edwards, too. Edwards is practically a socialist, but he is attractive, which could attract some extra votes for him. And goodness, if you're intent on not nominating a quality candidate, stay away from Bill Richardson. That man might actually have some good ideas, thus clearly making him unqualified to win the Democratic nomination.
And think about it: a Hillary Clinton vs. Rudy Giuliani White House run. As Hillary runs further and further to the left, Rudy refuses to compromise his principles by pandering to the extreme right. He has thus far maintained his support of abortion and gay rights, which, regardless of whether you agree with him, is impressive for someone seeking the Republican nomination. Why, Giuliani might just have enough crossover appeal to win over enough Democratic voters to help heal this divided country. The thought, of course, is horrifying to Hillary supporters.
There is always the danger that Republicans will fall into the Hillary trap and nominate someone like Mitt Romney, who will also keep the country polarized. Yet even Romney could beat Hillary, as he cannot even approach the amount of political baggage the Clinton family carries. Besides, he, too, is an attractive gentleman. Come to think of it, Romney-Edwards vice presidential debates could be entertaining...
Democrats, it shouldn't be difficult for you to nominate Hillary. She is the candidate least likely to win, and your party has a fine tradition of nominating whoever bears that title. Just think back to 2004, when anyone (anyone!) could have beaten George W. Bush. Dean, Edwards, Clark - you name the candidate, I'll name the victor. And yet, you nominated John Kerry, the one man inept enough to throw it all away. The same happened in 2000, of course, when The World's Most Boring Human Being found himself on the receiving end of an electoral vote shellacking by Bush. So come on and follow tradition.
We Republicans have done a great job of messing up for the last few years, but surely we can't beat you Democrats at the losing elections game. That would be like France beating Germany at war. With powerhouse election-thrower Howard "Meltdown" Dean at the helm of the Democratic National Committee, another successful year of electoral disasters seems well on its way.
Insincerity, fundraising scandals, an impeached former president for a husband, drinking the blood of puppies and a general feeling among the populace that she is "evil" (in 2000, Time magazine readers ranked her as the sixth most evil person of the millennium - yikes) are not qualities that are ideal for a president. They are, however, all qualities that are ideal for a Democratic presidential nominee, especially when most Americans would like to bring an end to the political divide that has split the country in half for the last half decade. Hillary Clinton (and this may be the only time you ever hear it), you make Republicans everywhere quiver with anticipation.
Shane Carley is a freshman in the School of International Service and a conservative columnist for The Eagle.
