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Dear Pierce,
I'm dating a guy with less "experience" than me, and while when we started dating I didn't think it would be a problem, it has started to become one. Whenever we start to mess around and I begin to jerk him off, we go for a while before he just tells me to stop before I finish. I've never been told to stop before, and I'm very confused as to why he would want me to. Also, because he has virtually no experience, he doesn't know at all what he's doing when he starts fingering me; it actually hurts sometimes. How can I help him out without offending his pride? Thanks for the help! -Pounding Rookie Out |
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Hola Señorita PRO, You say that sex (nonpenetrative, but still sexual) with your inexperienced partner is a problem, but it definitely doesn't have to be. Don't immediately dismiss him because he doesn't really know what he's doing. You may have never been told to stop before, but that's not a testament to your skills giving a heej. Not every dick is the same. You might be hurting him like he hurts you when he attempts to finger you. Although he may not have been around the block as much, he probably knows what feels good but is too intimidated to say anything to you about it. You need to encourage him to tell you what he likes, and you need to be willing to admit that you're not the master when it comes to all things penis. The same thing goes for when he's working on you. Don't assume he knows what he's doing down there when you know full well that he doesn't! You might think it's not your job to tell him how things feel to you and your vagina, and you don't have to be super explicit either, but make him feel comfortable trying different things. Be encouraging and tell him what doesn't work. It's a two-way street. You guys can't read minds, so tell each other at least a little of what's on your minds. |
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Dear Pierce Hardcastle, I am a current AU student and an avid reader of your column. I think that I might be gay, or at least bisexual. I am more often aroused by the image of a naked male than a naked female. I have had sex with both males and females. However, I feel disgusted after having sex with another guy, but not disgusted after sex with a girl. I am attracted to both males and females, but only get spontaneous erections for guys that I think are hot. Can you offer me any advice about this complex and complicated situation? Sincerely, Battling Indecision |
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Dear BI, You are right that coming to terms with your sexual identity is complex. Alfred Kinsey came up with the idea that we're all on a spectrum of sexuality, and very few people are completely straight or completely gay. You, like most people, exist somewhere in the middle. What's most important is what you really want, not which type of porn or person walking by gets your dick up. Many straight men look at gay porn and are able to get off. This doesn't make them any more gay than a girl who gets drunk and makes out with her friend. You obviously don't have any gripes about having sex with other men, but only you know where that feeling of disgust may be coming from. Maybe your family or religion isn't exactly tolerant of gay people, or maybe you're just nervous because this is new and not as familiar as women are for you. You didn't make that clear to me, but there's no solution like, "think of red clowns when you bone and you won't be disgusted afterward." Unless that's a fetish of yours, it may not help. Figuring out if you're gay or bisexual is only for you to decide, and there's certainly no rush. There's more leeway now in defining your own sexuality than ever before, especially for college students. |
