10 "Houston, we have a problem." Yeah, it's really funny to compare your mundane dilemma with intergalactic catastrophes. OK, maybe it was funny once, but get real: This is the 21st century, and it's time to update your quips.
9"I'm not gonna lie..." Looks like you're a shoo-in for the honesty award. Patting yourself on the back for not lying is just as bad as rewarding yourself for stopping to see if that guy you ran over was still alive.
8 "Do you mind if...?" Of course I do! No, I don't want to cover your shift at Applebee's, I don't want to go to your sister's stupid dance recital and, while we're at it, I don't want to go to TDR with you tonight.
7 "It takes one to know one." You calling me a hussy? Fine, whatever, but that doesn't change the fact that you're a hussy as well.
6 "This might sound stupid, but..." But what? Prefacing your stupidity with a sense of surrender only makes people respect you less. And let's be honest, respect is something you can't afford to lose anymore of. So just say it. Just say whatever might sound stupid, and let your audience judge for itself.
5 "Tru dat." Are you serious? Has someone just expressed a truism? Remember, as Roman emperor Marcus Aurelius probably said, "If it is not true, do not say it."
4 "I have a question." Then ask it. Informing someone that you have a question is tantamount to telling a friend that you are going to hide his or her contact lenses. Don't blow the suspense. Just hide those contacts and watch your friend roam around campus blind and vulnerable.
3 "In my opinion..." As opposed to whose? If you are the one dispensing words from your mouth, chances are that people will be able to detect that it's your opinion.
2 "Hell yeah!" Who are you trying to impress? All this mild cursing really isn't necessary to express your enthusiasm. A hardy "Huzzah!" will surely suffice and not make parents run to cover their children's ears. For shame.
1 "Sup, brah?" I don't even know how to begin to respond to that. First things first - unpop your collar, donate your copy of "Under the Table and Dreaming" to the Salvation Army and learn how to properly ask how somebody is doing without referring to them as a piece of underwear. And finally, I'm not your "brah." I've seen the "bro rape" video. Back off.
-Compiled by The Scene staff
