While most of America has been slowly recovering from a football daze, people may have missed two very important stories this week. First, Roger Clemens has finally been brought before Congress to answer questions on his steroid use, a hearing that is taking on O.J. Simpson-trial-like proportions. Second, and more importantly, the writer's strike is over. That's right, now we can get rid of shows like "Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader?" and go back to much classier shows like "Desperate Housewives."
Of course, it will take a while before our favorite shows are able to shake off the cobwebs and get back to the quality we deserve. At the same time, it seems that Clemens can't get himself away from the camera. Thus, in order to serve both needs, here are some ideas for shows that could devote their content to the Clemens saga.
1) "Without A Trace" With a show focusing on things that seem to vanish into thin air, what better place to find the memories that Clemens claims to not exist? With FBI agents Jack Malone and Sam Spade putting aside their lovelife long enough to take the case, anything is possible. If nothing else, maybe they can find something else that Clemens seems to have misplaced: his dignity.
2) "CSI" If there is ever a show that can determine exactly what types of chemicals Clemens may have put in his body, it is "CSI." When Grissom and his crew take it into the lab, all they need to do is turn on the machine and wait for the results. And each case is solved in only an hour, which sure beats how long it takes for lab work to come back in the real world.
3) "Grey's Anatomy" Here's where the drama of the Clemens case comes in. The show would originally be about a medical problem surrounding the pitcher's shoulder, or it could be about his wife's "steroid-inflicted" swimsuit body - whichever is juicier. Then it would just dissolve into the wild affairs of the characters involved. Wouldn't that add an interesting wrinkle to the story, if trainer Brian McNamee were actually with Clemens' wife?
4) "The Office" Okay, so you're thinking what does "The Office" have to do with Clemens and Congress? Well, nothing really. But just having Michael and Dwight comment on the case would be amazing. Watching them impart their "wisdom" and "life lessons" to the rest of the country is worth the half-hour of your time.
5) "Law and Order" The original, the classic, the gold standard for crime dramas. What better place to solve this issue once and for all. Forget about Rep. Waxman and his committee. When you have Sam Waterson playing Jack McCoy, you know you are going to get the result you want. A closing argument by McCoy is just as solid and unbreakable as a Supreme Court ruling, only it wont put you to sleep.
So there you have it - five quality shows that are sure to win Emmy Awards this season. OK, that might be a bit of a stretch, but hey, seeing that we haven't had quality TV for the past three months, it sure doesn't hurt. And it beats watching Clemens make a fool of himself in real life, where, unlike these fine programs, there is no chance at a retake.
