AU's new School of International Service building is complete, according to contractors.
"Wow. It's amazing to finally be done," Project Foreman Chris Nelson said as he peered down into the huge, gaping hole his crew dug.
"It took us more than a year, but now the final phase-cementing the crane in the middle of the hole - is complete."
"Aren't you not done until there's a building?" asked Charlie Sold, a sophomore standing nearby.
"No, no. We're done," Nelson said with pride. "Look at these gorgeous open-air classrooms."
"Wha ..." Sold said, before Nelson interjected: "This building will definitely earn a LEED gold certification for environmental friendliness. There won't be any heat used, because there aren't any heaters. No air-conditioning either, for the same reason. Actually, now that I think of it, there won't be any energy used. Wow. This will be the model for the future."
President Neil Kerwin, unfortunately, isn't as pleased.
"I'm beside myself," said a red-faced Kerwin. "How, how ... I'm just so confused. Are they seeing something I'm not seeing? I mean, now that I look at it, the crane's pretty nice. We can leave that. But I really would like to see them build a building."
"Calm down, Mr. President," SIS professor John Treble said. Professor Treble teaches Peace and Conflict Resolution in SIS. "This conflict can be solved, because we all want the project complete - we just have different definitions of complete. We can't resort to violence. In fact, this reminds me of the conflict in Northern Ireland. Are you a Protestant?"
Kerwin will sit down with Nelson on Friday. Treble will facilitate, with the stated goal of brokering, in his words "a peace deal."
"I'm even hoping for a Nobel Peace Prize," he confided to this reporter.
But whatever the result, at least one construction worker thinks AU has the most beautiful School of International Service in all the land.
As of press time, only one class has met in the new SIS building. The class was promptly ended after a student sat on an exposed nail.
Dan Rosa is a sophomore in the School of International Service. You can reach him at dr1740a@student.american.edu. You can also read more of his satire at his blog, "The White House Plumber" at www.thewhitehouseplumber.blogspot.com.
