•@ Palahniuk quoter anonymous: Flash.
•I highly appreciate the senior that used "zetus Lepetus" from Xenon girl of the 21st century. You give me hope for humanity So many girls are into jewish guys at this school. What makes a jewish guy that different from any other guy?? (except faith of course)
•I am so happy I spoke with him. He knew I was happy about it too. And I could tell he enjoyed it also. I hope he understood what I said..even though it was very indirect. I am so thrilled and excited for what's to come. And I think he is too. So far, he's better than I thought he was. Life is glorious. It's just never been this wonderful before.
•Dear Finnish Shouting Music, Bring it on. I shall blast Captain Beefheart. We'll see who annoys who first. I have no doubt you're crazy, but I am crazier. Sincerely, Don't make me pull out the Gypsy Turbo Punk
•Hi. I'm a Jewish boy. Let's do activities. :)
•I have everything I could want here except for someone that loves me as a person.
•@REDWAAAAALLLLL That made my week. Let's do coffee.
•I just want to take this 500 level course for honors credit. Please. It's the first major effort I feel I've made all semester. Email me back!
•Were my bros at?
•It is an honor and a privilege to be a part of the SPA Leadership Program. We have no room for whiners who can't handle the pressure. Either grow up and persevere like everyone else, or get out.
•Dear League of Injustice, I demand that you end your reign of terror once and for all; or I shall return from abroad and end it for you. -Captain American
•I love it when my rugger's friends call me his girlfriend. Now why can't he call me it too....
•Everyone at AU named Sam just had a collective heart attack.
•@last week's ranter's unintended irony: It breaks my heart to see people drinking bottled soda. Did you know that the bottles often sit in super hot trucks? That means the plastic melts into the soda. Yum! Also, if you do accidentally drink bottled soda. Recycle it!
•Can we channel the misinformed anti-bottled water sentiment into anti-bottled soda sentiment. That way, unlike sacrificing health for environment by banning bottled water and forcing people to choose soda, we can help the environment AND our health.
•Woah guys, chill. The Editors don't HAVE to give us daily rants. Not too long ago, there were only weekly rants. Quit complaining over formatting issues. If you really have that big a problem with it, you can copy the text yourself into any word processing program and fix it yourself. We're in college now, figure it out. [Editor’s note: Thanks! Genius idea, btw.]
•Oh yes, this Gentile is great at at cuddling (and loves it too)
•Can SPA leadership get its crap together. My roommate is in the program and all I hear is him complain about how some one is eagle ranting against his precious program.
•Sooooo many obnoxious slutty 8 and 12 year old girls rubbing their boobs against me at the Joe Jonas concert. AND why were the moms even crazier than the tweens?
•From my RA to my best friend... Back off. kthanksbye.
•I love whoever quoted Chuck Palahniuk. Best author ever.
•2 weeks later and I am still sick. Thanks Health Center for doing absolutely nothing.
•HAVE YOU HEARD OF THE ALL-AMERICAN PROPHET? THE BLOND HAIRED, BLUE EYED VOICE OF GOD? HE DIDN'T COME FROM THE MIDDLE EAST, LIKE THOSE OTHER HOLY MEN. NO, GOD'S FAVORITE PROPHET WAS ALL-AMERICAN. (I always think this is talking about AU)
•I love AU, but "The American University" sounds like a fake name. I had to convince people I was coming to a real school.
•Yes, you told me you liked me. I know it's terrible of me, but if you ask me on a date, I'll say yes. Until then, no dice.
•Why Go On?
Why go on and live? If there is no more reason? If theres no more love to give? When its been snatched away by other persons.
Who would give a s**t? If I just disappeared? I went away, not for a little bit. I were gone. Who would shed a tear?
I’ve been robbed of all my will. They’ve seized all my care. My mind, my psyche fallen ill. To provoke me, a fool wouldn’t dare.
Calamity turns to anger. Hope to despair. Nervousness to frustration. Love to a deep, hateful glare.
•Why Go On? (Con't)
If our only purpose is to procreate Why give us humans emotions? What purpose do they serve - Love and Hate? Just to cause fatal abominations?
If I grabbed a Glock, I’d point it at my head. Pull the trigger. Click. No bullet? Is that good luck? One more night of wasteful existence, trapped in my bed.
I see the guy chasing after my crush. A feeling of anger starts to rise. My face is flushed. I start to pick through all his lies.
•Why Go On? (Con't2)
I play my music to let my emotions out. I put on a little show. But it doesn’t help, I still want to scream and shout. I feel like I want to blow.
You may say I’m crazy. As much as that maybe true. I just feel blue I’m rubber, you’re glue Whatever you say bounces off me And sticks onto you.
What silly concepts we’ve taught kids. Lessons that have no real use. Turn the other cheek? What a crock of s**t. I turn around and punch the other’s cheek, and cause a big bruise.
•"[Editor’s note: Yo, dudes, chill out. Sometimes the formatting of Rants gets messed up. We are not intentionally putting Rants in paragraph form; sometimes it just happens and we’re not sure why. We try to fix it right away, but aren’t always aware of the problem...] Hey dude/dudette. Maybe if you used a web page preview program to preview your webpage submissions instead of haphazardly clicking “submit” to post the submitted rants, we wouldn’t get so pissed off at you guys. You should be aware of the problem since its YOUR (The Eagle’s) website that YOU (The Eagle) maintain.
•If last night was some sort of indication, I think you like me. Like a lot. I think I'm into you too. Now, can you just ask me out so we can see where this is going?
•To the person who needs time-and-a-half and is having trouble, at ASC talk to Kathy Schwartz. She’s very helpful and will probably help you get your accommodations. If that doesn’t work, talk to Joanne Benica at DSS. She’s also helpful. If all else fails, ask the professor for extra time? I’m sure a reasonable professor will be more than willing if you just ask to spend a little more time working on your test.
•“You know you don’t get time and a half in the real world.” I want to know who the hell this is. Because your comment just made you enemies with plenty of people documented with disabilities. First off, theres a little law thats been around probably longer than you’ve been alive. Its called the Americans with Disabilities Act of 1990. It allows for accommodations in various places, INCLUDING college and the work place. Next time you’re about to make a condescending comment, make sure you have your facts straight. Also, get a psychological evaluation for A-hole syndrome.
•So I just called the domestic violence hotline to help my friend. And then called the non-emergency police number, which resulted in talking to 5 different police officers and dispatchers with 5 completely different stories of what options were available for someone who wanted to file a report but not press charges. If two educated people can't figure out how the domestic violence procedures work, then how are all the less educated people in greater need supposed to figure it out? #majorproblem
•Forever alone...
•To the person I talked with on omegle who also goes here... you're right that did get a little weird... however i do wish i could meet you. just a little bit
•@"Why can’t I have a college boyfriend and a home boyfriend? I want something new yet I want that sense of security. I’m selfish." I feel the exact same way. You're not selfish, I think it's normal. You just have to figure out if you love them enough to give up the chance for something new.
•some of us skinny girls are skinny because we go to the gym. Don't be discouraged by us but don't tell us to get off the machines either.
•Dear Bon Appetit workers, Smile. Seriously. I know it must suck to have to cater to apathetic and self-entitled college students all day, but excuse me for thinking that $53K a year should buy me some customer service. Maybe you would be able to get a better job if you had a better attitude. Sincerely, #keepitpositive
Rant here!
