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Friday, Nov. 1, 2024
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Eagle Rants April 10, 2012

•Someone remind me why I stayed at AU while the rest of my family is on vacation... on a beautiful island far from the wicked stench of DC sewer air...

•I like you a lot, but I'm worried if I tell you, hanging out will just get way too awkward.

•"And I have known the eyes already, known them all..." Thank you other Eliot ranter :)

•Seriously, stop caring about other people's sex lives. It's none of your business what I choose to do. Stop trying to force your values down my throat, because I didn't ask for your opinion.

•congratulations, you read an article on promiscuity. now read one on sincerity and come back when you give a crap about how 'depressed' we're going to be for our 'promiscuity'.

•I intern, have a job, volunteer, take 16 credits, and have a pretty active social life. But what am I thinking about most of the time? How excited I am to have explosive sex with my f*** buddy.

•@Pitt bomb threats--yes. My house is a few minutes away from one of the campuses. It is very sad to see this happening.

•Do you want to know why I hate the feminists on this campus? It's because they never shut up- I am in the same sociology classes with you semester after semester and I am tired of hearing what you have to say. The classes I am in are not about feminism, so if you could STFU I would appreciate it...

•You got that something that keeps me so off balance.

•@"there are people in this world who would kill you, your family, your friends, anyone who is opposed to them in a heartbeat. But there are people out there stopping them." The world is not black and white like you portray. It’s not ‘the bad guys vs us, the good guys’. People don’t randomly hate other people for no reason. Maybe think about WHY they hate us and what we CAN DO to rectify this anger (hint: more bombings and killings are not helping the situation, only making it much much much worse).

•@"(I'm going to continue posting this until someone replies that they picked it up... hopefully whoever lost it sees this!)" Um what if they picked up their stuff at lost and found but they don't read eagle rants. Just sayin...

•I hope the person who ranted "finally free. you held me down for far too long" was not my ex-boyfriend. I hope that was not how you felt about our relationship because I thought it was pretty great

•When we first met, I was 100% positive you were gay...Then we became friends and I learned you are straight. I'm still waiting for the day you realize you're gay.....

•@join AUCR's and try to make that more prevalent on campus but please do not create this club” Are you serious here? The college republicans disgust me. I identify as libertarian. But I would totally join the conservative feminist group because women’s initiative doesn’t actually accomplish any substantive policy that would help women. Maybe the conservative group would.

•People say the anonymity of the internet brings out the worst in people. But I couldn’t disagree more. Anonymous eagle rants are so full of support for others and concern for helping our community. It really warms my heart when strangers reach out to ne another. Anonymity is totally awesome. (Or maybe the editor is filtering 10 nasty mean rants for every nice rant that is posted. Hmmm) [Editor's notes: This editor filters the extremely mean, curse-filled, racist, hateful, etc. Rants.]

•@lost and found ranter: Why don’t you just go to lost and found and ask if someone picked up what you dropped off?

•What does FTL mean? Can we PLEASE stop making up acronyms. K thanks.

•@liberal housewife after college: Me too! Why does everyone assume housewives have to be conservative? So annoying. I plan on adopting very liberal parenting methods for my kids and cooking organic vegan meals every night. Yay liberal housewives!

•It’s I’m an idiot WHO likes boys, not THAT likes boys. Do we really need to go over this basic grammar concept yet again?

•So conservative women don’t like the abortion stuff, and liberal women want women to be able to not have to worry about getting pregnant. So can we all just rally together around making birth control more accessible? This leads to fewer abortions (which should make the conservatives happy) and more ability to plan one’s own timing of when to start a family (which should make liberals happy). Do we have a deal?

•@where do Au students go to party? : Sorry, AU students have better things to do than play beer pong. We’re out saving the world. What are you doing?

•My word search was defective. Not cool. Not cool.

•How few calories does one have to consume before one has an eating disorder? -scared I may be anorexic

•So I pooped at my boyfriend's apartment and forgot to flush the toilet. He definitely saw. How do I fix the awkwardness?

•Question for women who don’t believe in legal abortion : Do you just sit around wishing that women will stop having abortions or do you actually think about how to rectify the situation, like having over the counter birth control pills so women who don’t want to be pregnant never end up getting pregnant in the first place (and therefore will not need abortions). This is a serious question, and I would love an answer from a conservative female who opposes legal abortion.

•Remember the time Gary Johnson came to AU? That made my life. Gary Johnson 2012! No more foreign wars. Fixing the deficit by legalizing and taxing marijuana. Marriage equality. Where is all the AU support for this socially tolerant and fiscally conservative presidential candidate? You know he is going to win right?

•Can we really not choose who we fall in love with? This has to be an urban myth. TELL ME THIS IS JUST A MYTH?

•If you were my girlfriend, I'd respect you absolutely. I'd protect but not cage you. I'd write poetry about you, even if you weren't around to hear it. I'd dance with you into the wee hours of the night. I'd make you laugh without trying. But you are not my girlfriend. You're the girlfriend of the guy who just called me "broseph" and told me how hard he was going to "tap that". Such is life.

•One day I'll like someone I agree with politically, but apparently that day is not today.

•I hate phone interviews!!! I hate them!! I hate all kinds of interviews!!!! Waaahh!! Can't we just, like, I duno, pretend that my resume says EVERYTHING about me, and leave it at that??? gughhghgh so nervous!

•To the absolute moron who is cheating on his beautiful girlfriend: I'm on to you. The only reason I'm not going to kick your ugly rear from here to Japan is because I know you're getting busy with another guy. I would never out you to the world, but I swear to science if you don't own up to your girlfriend about what you're doing...

•Guys at this school need to learn that "jokes" about sexual assault and harassment just aren't okay. Joking about something this serious makes it seem like it is not as big an issue as it is. I was involved in a sexual harassment case recently, and it is just wrong for someone to make my situation seem more okay for the perpetrators through "jokes". It's not funny, and it's not okay to say these things.

•Look over there! Look over there! Somebody loves you THAT much!

•@feminist who doesn't support abortion. You're allowed to not like or want an abortion. The inherently anti feminist thing would be if you were acting to take away the rights of OTHER women to not get abortions. Wanting equal pay and equal rights is fine and dandy and feminist but infringing on the rights of other women to do what they want with their bodies is wrong.

•@AU feminists encourage promiscuity (there are lots of you). I'm pretty sure they don't encourage it as a one size fits all. They encourage it for those who feel comfortable because, growing up, everything you hear is that having sex makes you damaged goods or a bad person. they encourage people to embrace their sexuality as something to not be ashamed of. It's not for everyone, but it's empowering to know that there is that option for people who want it

•@basic rules of economics. here's the big problem. I'm a WOMAN, a PERSON, not a GOOD OR A SERVICE. bite me.

•CORRELATION DOES NOT PROVE CAUSATION. You cannot say that sexually "promiscuous" women have higher rates of depression because they are promiscuous. There's an association, yes, but to assume that sleeping with higher-than-average numbers of men CAUSES depression is a huge leap that neither you nor science can make.

•I wish real life worked like facebook, where each person walks around with a friend button I can click on. There's so many interesting people I could be friends with if I weren't so awkward :(

•That awkward moment when you go to a party full of alumni who have been called by the phonathon and have to defend the phonathon and its workers to them...

•Long Islanders, please join me in prayer for everyone dealing with the brush fire back home. My heart goes out to everyone, and I hope that by the time this is posted, it will be quelled and there will not be too much damage.

•This eagle rant does not exist.

•All men are mortal. Socrates is a man. All men are Socrates.

•To the 25 year old girl with no close female friends: I'm also 25 and have no close female friends. Just know you aren't alone!

•Stop posting paragraph-long rants that are more thought out arguments than rants...

•And we would all go down together We said we'd all go down together Yes we would all go down together

•People can hate all they want on TDR, but their mashed potatoes last night were DREAMY.

•What about military doctors? What about service people who get their MD's? I just blew your minds ranters

•Who just posted some TS Eliot? ...I love you.

•what's the point of take back the night? [Editor's note: "Take Back the Night seeks to end sexual violence in all its forms including sexual assault, sexual abuse, dating violence, and domestic violence ... Take Back the Night's goal is to create safe communities and respectful relationships through awareness events and initiatives."]

•@Pitt Bomb Threats - I was between Pitt and AU...this is reason #1001 that I'm glad I came to AU! But I've been following it and I'm very concerned because I have a lot of friends there :/

•@Bullying Club @Editor - if I rant my e-mail to the bullying club person, and he/she rants his/her e-mail to me, would you be able to e-mail the two of us so we'd have each other's e-mails or something like that? [Editor's note: Uhh, that's way complicated. Why not just meet up somewhere?]

•when i say i miss you i mean it. when i say i love you i mean it. maybe we should be more than friends, but i dont know if you feel the same way :( #onemonthtoshowyouiloveyouforreals

•North Korea! Stop sending nuclear rockets in the direction of my family!!!!!!!! seriously, stop. No one will think you are cool. Not even China. They don't even really like you anyway. You don't even really like you. god!

•@"condoms in the wellness center could have holes too" It's not my logic! it's the logic of AU. now see why I'm ranting?

•Where are the lesbians on this campus? Is there some secret underground lair that I don't know about?

•Editor...please keep editing for content. It's very disappointing scrolling through a list of boring, repetitive rants day in and day out. I very much appreciate the fact that u are not allowing certain ones, it makes it better for the rest of us :) [Editor's note: Then this editor gets "yelled" at for alleged censorship...]

•To the person on the 6th floor that complained about a black male sleeping on the north lounge couch in the wee hours of sunday morning, i hope public safety comes after your ass someday. people do know him on the floor and the fact that you felt the need to report him based off of his race shows how f-ing ignorant you are. racial profiling at its best @AU!

•You see the sizes S, R, L and you think they'd be small, regular, and large. But no. The creators of tampons apparently wanna fuck with hormone-crazed women. They did the complete opposite and renamed internationally recognizes sizes to super, regular, and light. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE!

•I need to stop creeping on your facebook/twitter. It makes me miserable yet I can't stop doing it. Anyone else have this problem??

•PLEASE just get up with me already, i enjoy hangingout/hookingup with you but i can't take this waiting game!!

•Why is amword so bad? I feel bad for ranting about how bad it is but the most recent issue was awful. Most of the photographs were pixelated or blurry and some of the text was illegible. Please, get your act together. This isn't even the first time this has happened.

•I have SO SO SO SO many meal swipes left. Why am I required to purchase so many????

•I promised myself not to text you too much in order to avoid looking desperate and/or creepy...But at the same time constantly refreshing Facebook chat waiting for that little green dot to pop next to your name is only slightly less stalkerish. And inevitably more frustrating.

•Lets face it. Mark Zuckerburg is the root of all evil when it comes to academic productivity

•How anybody at the Facebook offices ever get anything done is beyond me. Their stalking skills must be at ninja levels now

•I'm feeling the J. Alfred Prufrock as well.

•I thought my gay-dar was bad, but my ***hole-dar is even worse.

•Running at night is the best

•I love literature so much. I love my classes. I love everything we read, and our discussions. I just hate having to write papers SO MUCH. I've written exactly three sentences in four hours.

•My friend has been acting really out of character. She has started having casual sex. She talks about how desirable and irresistible guys find her. And she is exhibiting higher anxiety than usual. These are all symptoms of a rape victim right? Am I completely off base here?

•Look, I understand: working at the residence hall desks can be very boring business. And hey, it's always great to talk to friends if they come to visit you there. But seriously, some of you don't give a flying feather. I was struggling with a lot of things and you were of no aid. Again. At least this time I didn't spill anything, but seriously? Get your eyes off the computer screen for more than two seconds. Thanks.

•Was it a TS Eliot reference or Chocolate War reference?

•Re: feminists and sexuality. AU feminists (and other feminists) do not promote the idea that women should be have casual sex or many sex partners. What they promote is the idea that women CAN do those things if they want to. Just as women CAN wait to have sex until they are married, or only have sex with people in committed relationships. The point of feminism is that a woman's value does not stem from her sexual decisions, and that they she is no better or worse than any other person for whatever sexual decisions she chooses to make.

•@ person who posted TS Eliot: Thanks, you are getting me through bio lecture

•@everyone who explained how we can be for women but not identify with the feminist movement: YES YES YES I love you all. You're spot on. Had no idea there were more of us on campus, this is awesome =D

Rant here!



Section 202 hosts Connor Sturniolo and Gabrielle McNamee are joined by fellow Eagle staff member and phenomenal sports photographer, Josh Markowitz. Follow along as they discuss the United Football League and the benefits it provides for the world of professional football.


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