•to the girl that sits next to me in psych...shower next time please holy shizzzzzzzzzzzz, it's already hard enough to sit through an hour and a half
•LDR support message: Listen to the song "Piano Song" by Meiko. It's about counting down the days until she sees her boyfriend and how she is jealous of all the couples who get to see each other every day. It helped me a great deal.
•Dear editor: I'm sorry I called you lazy. I was really mad about the notion of going back to weekly rants. My apologies. PS I think you're terrific. [Editor's note: Aw shucks.]
•@"I’m still a virgin because I have a phobia of getting pregnant." Have you considered getting your tubes tied? My older sister did this to avoid pregnancy, and she seems happy with her choice. And you could always do a reversal surgery if you chance your mind later.
•Ranter: "Just stop laughing. It’s not that funny." Editor: "Rude." <--seconded. [Editor's note: It's OK, I know him so it's all in good fun.]
•@Editor regarding summer eagle rants: If you aren't doing classes this summer and therefore have no homework then shouldn't this mean you have MORE time to post rants? [Editor's note: This editor is graduating and will hopefully be uber busy with a new job. The incoming editor-in-chief will be working full-time between internships and The Eag. But we'll keep you posted on summer Rants!]
•@"The DPA’s shooting itself in the foot." What is DPA? [Editor's note: Department of Performing Arts.]
•@”I’d rather have both legs chopped off than get pregnant.” Are you aware there is a pill called Elle that terminates a pregnancy up to 8 weeks after conception? (And by then you will definitely notice a missed period.) There are so many birth control options out there that are highly effective (especially if you use multiple sources (like birth control AND condoms). Don’t let your phobia keep you from the joy of sex. I would consider talking to someone at the counseling center to help you with this.
•Thanks for posting the April 3 rants earlier in the day editor! Love this trend. [Editor's note: No promises it will continue, but this editor is glad you're happy!]
•@”Those who speak of virginity as a virtue are imbeciles!!!!” Clearly you don’t understand relationship psychology. My fiancé and I have only ever been with each other. I get great pleasure from knowing that I am the only girl who has ever gotten the pleasure of seeing his sexual side. If he had been with other girls before me I would never have gone out with him because sex wouldn’t be as special. Every time we tried a new position I would be wondering if he had done that with his past girlfriend.
•If we can’t have daily summer eagle rants can we at least have them every other day or at least a few times a week? PPPLLLEEEEAAAASSSEEE! [Editor's note: See above.]
•JW, Why are you so scared of getting pregnant? I can’t WAIT to get pregnant after college when I get married. I’m not judging your choice, I’m just honestly curious. @anti bullying club : I completely support that idea. But preaching to kids to not bully without teaching them the basics of social psychology is like preaching to kids not to have sex without teaching them the basics of human reproductive biology. The solution to bullying is implement psychology into the school systems. It should be taken every year in school, just like math, science, English, and history. Knowing how to analyze how others think is a crucial skill (more so than trigonometry or algebra even), and the school system should not ignore it.
•I take way too much valium. Why am I always so stressed and anxious?
•So if naked yoga really a thing now, or were you guys just kidding? Don't you feel embarrassed to be naked in front of strangers? I mean it sounds cool and all, but I could never do that. And I don't wanna be the prude girl who wore a bikini.
•I feel bad that I was mean to you and probably broke your heart. I'm trying to make it up to you by being nice and making sure you're okay now. But I'm a little scared you are going to start stalking me again. #scary movie problems
•Why do the campus police not enforce the policy of people not smoking RIGHT OUTSIDE THE DOORS of buildings. Especially when students are coming and going to classes. Am I allowed to call campus police to report smokers breaking the rule? Would they even respond? My asthma and spring allergies cannot take anymore respiratory distress!
•I'm the original "able to fight" ranter. I wasn't referring to myself. Some dude in the gym was talking trash about someone else, without knowing that the second person actually has really extensive martial arts experience and conditioning.
•I'm in Sariva Goetz's gen ed class and haven't learned much of anything. Why are we trying to save her?... I understand in the performing arts community she is valued, but if you want support you have to prove why to the rest of us.
•How do all of the plus-size/overweight girls I know have such beautiful faces and defined cheekbones? I'm only slightly chubby, but I have such a fat face. I don't get how this works.
•That Spelling Bee musical was amazing! I'm expecting at least half of those actors to go on to great, great things. The dude playing Leaf Coneybear was especially wonderful.
•Eagle Editor: Please post rants this summer! The whole idea of taking a whole season vacation is ridiculous. I've done college classes every year since freshman year of high school and I'm a college senior now. The rest of the world doesn't take a vacation for 3 months. This idea needs to die. It's bad for one's health and bad for society. RANTS THIS SUMMER! [Editor's note: See above. Also, breaks are healthy. No one looks back on their life and thinks, 'Thank goodness I worked all the time.']
•So there I was, sitting in the quiet part of TDR during the off hours of a Tuesday afternoon, innocently eating my lunch, when across the width of that part of TDR, a middle-aged man started farting. Long and loud farts. I could hear it from across the room. For 20 minutes. Ew.
•The tears dry, without you. Life goes on, but I’m gone. Cause I die, without you.
•I wish there was someone in my life to save me from myself.
•@pregnancy phobia girl : Why not get an IUD? Then you don’t have to worry about forgetting to take the pill or a condom breaking. I have one. It didn’t hurt to get it, and I don’t have any side effects.
•I like how the freshman boy I ranted about with the long hair is now EVERYWHERE. Even in my class today. Obviously we are meant to be.
•Gypsy is a slur. Please don't use it.
•"I’m still a virgin because I have a phobia of getting pregnant. Even with birth control and condoms, there’s still a slight chance. I’d rather have both legs chopped off than get pregnant" My roommate said you should look into something called plan B and abortion... just sayin
•@ ""“I am currently dating said former OL. In other words you should go back to shelving your own book - That’s odd because she’s single…" HOOK A BROTHA UP"" - Go talk to her!
•@“What the heck is “OL”? Can someone finally explain this?" - Orientation Leader...
•I love to post provocative comments on online news stories in order to start debates that need to be had.
•What's with the whole "cocktail hour" thing at wedding. It's like they are holding the yummy food hostage after I just sat through an incredibly boring hour long sermon. Now I have to wait another hour for food? WTF! Why do brides plan their wedding like this. I would never do this at my wedding. 10 minute sermon, then straight to food and cake for my guests
•I'm worried that my constant use of stumbleupon is causing me to have ADD. I can't do any one task for more than a few minutes before wanting to move on to the next exciting thing to read/learn/interact with. Help?...
•Eagle rants, I would marry you if I could. [Editor's note: Love this.]
•I miss Alex Knepper. And he's a public figure, so stop deleting my rants about him. [Editor's note: There's a very fine line with this topic, my friend, a very fine line.]
•Dear Eagle Rants Editor, I think there's some kind of lag in the rant submission pipeline, and that's why so many people seemed to still be ranting about the April Fools Joke. Sincerely, a too-observant reader. [Editor's note: Perhaps they just didn't get the message?]
•@ CASA BONITA ahhhh my second home <3 casa4lyfe
•OMG Nick Rangos, why are you the sweetest person of all time?!?!
•Stop giving a thumbs up in all of your pictures. It's incredibly unattractive and makes me worry about your mental health.
•I'm sorry but WHO IS NICK RANGOS?! [Editor's note: Read Conor Shapiro's opinion column on whether Rangos deserves his Rant fame here
•My augoggles are getting much much worse.....
•Hey being a virgin is fine, and so is being a slut. They're just different life choices, so stop all the hating. [Editor's note: Seconded.]
•WI hasn't done anything on the issue of Sexual Assault Prevention Education? Huh, remember that time that WI Director Carmen Rios busted her ass for months to get Sexual Assault Prevention Education included in New Student Orientation? #Thatawkwardmomentwhenyoudon'tknowwhatyou'retalkingabout
•We're so close to something better left unknown.
•OMG. Get the effing hint already. I don't want to talk to you.
•the poop ranters never met up : (
•All of the sudden, I'm crazy attracted to you. Don't even know why. #what
•roommate, thanks for making me a hookup playlist! I'm sure my f*** buddy will appreciate it : )
•@"The DPA's shooting itself in the foot." That's what all of the orchestra people said last year about Manny Berard! Now our new interim conductor is leaving after only one year, and all of the new orchestra conductor candidates have sucked! The DPA here would be so great if the administration didn't suck so much.
•Nick Rangos got nothing on DRoss DRoss 4 lyfe
•Shut up shut up shut UP already! Ugh. One more month of living with this.
•Where does everyone buy those snappy business-casual outfits that I see around campus? I need one.
•All virgins unite!! Let's get together and pray!! And criticize the sluts on our floors!!
•Drunken Sax Man, You're my hero, slightly less drunk performer.
•Who is the blonde guy who works at the perch?!?!
•@Urbandictionary + SI: Saying SI isn't to "act cute." There is nothing "cute" about a serious problem many people our age face. SI is the accepted terminology by those who are victims of it. Think of it like saying AU instead of American University. Sorry if you didn't know what it means, but the original ranter probably only wanted people with SI histories to answer.
•@Anti-bullying club: I was bullied in middle school, and ever since it has been something I am very passionate about. I would love to help form that club with you!
•@PostSecret AU - I love PostSecret! I wish we could do something with it on campus...any ideas? Frank (the founder) gives speeches a lot, any way a group could bring him?
•You all care more about me being a virgin than I do. I feelin the love AU!
•seriously though, he's not that attractive/amazing....and I'm a straight girl.
•that awkward moment on lal when a bi girl immediately goes offline after finding out what your cup size is...not gonna lie I kinda feel like I was in a dick measuring contest
•Rent-heads unite! (Please?)
•@“What the heck is “OL”? Can someone finally explain this?" Orientation leader... duh. I think we all know who this is about
•Here's the deal. It doesn't matter if you've never had sex, if you have sex all the time, or only once in awhile. It doesn't matter and nobody should care. If you care about how much sex someone else is having then you're no better than Rick Santorum. What does matter is if you have sex all the time or if you're a virgin and you think you're better than any one else for it. Stop that. End of story. Good talk.
•I love his gypsy eyes too.
•Rangos!!!!!
•I really feel like I need to go to the Counseling Center, but I wish you could schedule an appointment online. Walking in or calling is so intimidating that I've been avoiding it since last semester...
•I'm a person. Not something you can check off a list, a piece of meat, or some strategically-placed holes. I have feelings, and reasons for why I acted the way I acted, and you have no right to make such judgments about me, especially when you don’t know me at all. You also don’t have any right to make that sort of comment about anyone. It’s not right that you can demean women is such a terrible, disgusting way. You’ve made me feel scared, unsafe on campus, and demeaned. But the worst part is that I know you’ll never apologize.
•Public service announcement: if you are getting butter/jelly/cream cheese for your toasted goods, put those things on your plate and grab a knife. You can perfectly spread them at your table! Then I won't have to wait 60 years for you to perfectly cover every centimeter of your bagel with butter.
•It's definitely breakup season
•It smells like weed in Centennial again. its 11 am! Who smokes at 11 am????
•To the girl dreaming about girls-when I had a serious boyfriend I once had a semi-sexual dream about one of my roommates, its not weird
•Found the Free Speech wall. Student Activities not only took it down but destroyed it. After granting us explicit permission to put it up. *slow claps for AU* Y U KNO LIKE FREE SPEECH?! That's $70 supplies went into that and hours of work. One of the few things SFL and CASJ have agreed on and an AUSFL tradition. Thanks SA. Thanks for that.
•Please, for the love of all that is plumbing, eat some fiber!
•Aaaaand its confirmed, was taken down because of "offensive" language. If you need me, I'll be banging my head on a desk somewhere.
•That moment when you open a bag of m&m's, AND THEY'RE IN RAINBOW ORDER! :O
•Only the greatest partiers of AU know the secret of Casa Bonita
•@The person who quoted 1776... I love you. I don't know who you are, but I love you. By any chance do you play the violin?
•It amuses me that people keep ranting about virginity. Can we all agree that whatever people are doing or not doing in their bedroom is their business and we have no room to judge? Yes there are virgins on campus. Yes there are sexually active people on campus. It's not that big of a deal!
•I had a dream that evil cannibals came to AU to slaughter everyone. Draco Malfoy was one of them, and he chased us across campus. She and I hid/ran. During this time of terror I realized I had been enrolled in a class that I haven't been showing up to or doing homework for. Someone stole my car so we couldn't flee DC. Then, cautious survivors came out of hiding and joined the military to resist. You wanted to practice running with a drill sergeant. I preferred to stay inside. We had a gymnastics gym, and I did 20 pull-ups.
•The UC Symposium is the most useless thing I have ever attended. I sat through many presentations patiently while my classmates and teachers couldn't take even a second to look at my group's project. Sincerely, I have real homework to do and haven't eaten since breakfast.
Rant here!
