• To the girl on my floor who thinks it's okay to wear no shoes around the entire bathroom, YOU WILL GET FOOT FUNGUS
• AU freshman Girl in Panera: "I want a baby so bad that I have to keep stopping myself from doing it..." Awkward silence...
• @Let her come to you: Thanks for the advice, but that sucks. I wish she wouldn't have led me on because I do kind of like her.
• @Guy who made out with his professor: Wow, some of us (me) are so jealous! I'm a female and would be talking about a male professor, but still, way to go! I don't think there's anything wrong with you're doing. My question is just how do you do it!?
• i don't want to take finals or write these papers. i just want to cuddle with my boyfriend and watch netflix.
• I've seen my boyfriend just about daily for 7 months+ and still get giddy every time. I can't justify saying that I hate AU when I wouldn't have met him otherwise
• I'm just a Jewish girl who wants to be kissed under mistletoe.
• Someone Stoodel-ed about me. I feel so honored.
• TO THE PEOPLE WHO RANT ABOUT HOW MUCH THEY MISS SOMEONE, HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO KNOW WHO YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT
• @"I remember the face but I can’t recall the name" - more details please? also, just ask her. it's more awkward if you keep running into her and don't remember where you know her from.
• I just met you And this is crazy But I want to lick white chocolate off you So call me, maybe?
• AU's gender ratio is only marginally worse than the national average for private schools. Think about that next time you blame AU's gender ratio for being single. In fairness the large gay male population skews it a bit further, but you have all of DC available to you.
• The other day in the basement of the library I saw a damn fine ROTC guy bend down to pick something up. I didn't even care if my group project members saw me stare. Mami likeee
• Why are so many beautiful girls in relationships with douchebags? And what is with so many AU girls doing sloppy rebounds? Stop. And wait for someone special.
• @I have no shame whoring myself out to you anymore: You really don't need to share your promiscuity with the AU ranter community. #LicenseToJudge
• This is my winter song. December never felt so long.
• @" She was the hottest kisser I’ve ever had. . . Am I a terrible person?" If you are having an affair with one of the hot female professors, I'm going to give up everything.
• @"What have I been missing all my life?" AID's
• Call it one drink too many, Call it pride of a man
• Okay. So, I'm a gay girl, but have no idea where to meet other gay girls/lesbians. I mean, to maybe be friends and date. Anyone know where to start?
• I'm really a cool guy once you get to have your face on my testicles.
• @• Why are we both so busy? Seeing you is more or less the highlight of my week, but it happens so infrequently. If only I didn’t find you so intriguing - then I wouldn’t feel so breathless around you and I could pretend that I wasn’t enthralled by your charm. This is one of the sweetest rants I have ever heard! I hope you get to see each other more often and keep in touch over break!
• @pull yourself together: hey. F*ck you.
• @i hooked up with my professor...Note to self: start going to office hours
• Well that settles it with gender ratios and all the lonely people, gentleman it's obvious what we have to do....become male escorts
• @ "So I’m really into this guy, but I’m embarrassed because I have zero experience…guys of eagle rants, is this bad?" I think it depends on the guy. I'm a guy with zero experience so I would personally prefer someone who has no experience too. But that's just me.
• God Damn it I'm tired of being the lonely male nerd, I wanna be the nerd who gets laid!
• @ "When people ask me why I don’t go clubbing or to parties the reason is simple: I hate most people. People are annoying, rude, and can be genuinely unpleasant, include loud obnoxious music and that fact most of them are drunk and you have my reasoning for being an introvert." This is exactly how I feel! The majority of people are hurtful, annoying, and stupid.
• Sleepy Hahas: ACTIVATE
• @I hooked up with my professor: I expect detailed notes on how you made this happen.
• The nicest thing a resident can do for their RA is agree when the RA tries to enforce policy. If your RA asks people to quiet down in the lounge when you're studying, please be an amazing resident and ask the same.
• My theory: It makes me feel better that I'm not the only one who feeling completely lonely here. Everyone honestly acts so happy and put together, but really, I think most of us are miserable and lonely. Everyone just puts on a happy face which continues the cycle because no one knows that anyone is hurting. Seriously I don't know if it's just AU or other colleges as well, but so many people I know are transferring because they are miserable here.
• @guy who was on letts 4n: i've had many a good night on letts 4 also...
• @"hoo-ha is actually the worst euphemism for vagina. " I like hoo-ha. I also like gravy guzzler, grooler, jack and jillin', Louisiana shuffle, the great barrier reef, Jaws, cold cuts, Victoria's secret, pee-pee hole, New Jersey, the stink, the stank, the flaming lips, mudflap, Pokemon (because you can catch it all), Uncle Tom's Summer Cabin, Great Pit of Carkoon, and the black hole of Barsoom. "Vagina" is for anthropology feminists who take their babies to class and get mad when their entitlement is threatened.
• @Since when has ‘being white’ made somebody unable to speak up about diversity? Caucasians are just as diverse as Blacks and Hispanics; just because you’re Black or Hispanic doesn’t make you any more diverse then anybody else, let alone an accepting person and ‘diversity expert.’... stfu no one ever said white people were less diverse, and if they did tell them to stfu too.
• Haha I'm feeling spiteful tonight. TAKE THAT!
• I'm beginning to hate myself but I can't stop making these choices. People don't respect me because I don't respect myself and I don't know what to do about it.
• @If a person cries and no one is around to hear it…that's sad. I cried the other day right next to my gf when she was sleeping. It's not sad; it's better to cry alone, otherwise it's a cry for attention. Besides, if men cry, they cry alone, by themselves and never mention it to anyone.
• @"Looks like someone is Zero Dark Butt Hurt-y" - I appreciate the pun, and as for Zero Dark Thirty -- it's sweeping the regional awards circuit and is the frontrunner for the Oscars, let's be real bro
• dude wtf don't add someone back on Facebook and delete them literally minutes later. rude.
• I wish Symantec Antivirus would stop telling me I have a virus. I don't. Leave me alone, you're only here because Eaglesecure made me install you.
• @"Since when has ‘being white’ made somebody unable to speak up about diversity?" plz tell me more we def need more white spokespeople to talk about diversity!!!!! but actually, that complaint is likely more of a request for you to check your privilege and recognize the spaces in which your perspective is relevant and necessary and space in which you should let others take the mic.
• i haz mad luvz 4 da eagle rantz eDitorr hey bb wats ur asl
• @Status: struggling senior willing to date a freshman for a tdr swipe - i can swipe you in w/o the date. you seem to be too desperate...and thats kinda asks
• @dtf? - don't take finals!
• i say we put an iHOP in the tunnel...think about it. and most of them are open 24 hours :o soooo basically food all the time. plus they would make a killing
• does a small dick really matter? that is the only thing that stops me from hooking up with girls here... that they will discover my small dick and tell everyone and I will die a virgin....
• I wish it was tequila thursday
• One time I spit on my roommates pillow.
• All men should have beards.
• Freshman year. Since freshman year at Guapos.
• I witnessed an a-hole from high school severely cyber bullying a girl on facebook. I reported the incident to Facebook by clicking the designated button, but Facebook did not remove the posts (at least not yet). I want to warn the girl (she can't see it bc he blocked her from seeing the posts), but I don't want my name involved. What can I do? I tried creating a fake account to email her @facebook.com email but apparently that doesn't work. Suggestions?
• I am totally going to fail this final and I don't even care. I just want to get the heck out of that class. It's been torture all semester. GPA? Yeah, done with that. Goodbye smug students and even smugger prof.
• I can attest that I am a certifiable bad *ss. Re-wrote my entire research paper in a little over 12 hours. And I still have time left to edit before submission at noon. Given, I probably wouldn't be here if I had actually worked on the paper over the last 2 weeks, but eh, let's save that discussion for another day. In the meantime, BAM.
• "Are there any straight, outgoing guys out there actually looking for a relationship rather than just a hookup?" (Appeared in Dec. 5 rants)--HI I'm one such guy. We do exist and hope to God girls like you exist!
• @I just want you to text me: if they aren't texting you, try reaching out to them!
• @I'm sick of only having feelings for people who can never know I have them"--- Don't think like that!! You have nothing whatsoever to lose by telling someone your feelings for them! The worst he or she will say is a surprised or polite "oh, thank you. . . . But I'm sorry I don't feel the same way." There's a high likelihood the person you like may like you back!
• @yeah, that was my main point. Premarital sex is ok, but BC isn't? Still just curious.-- Yeah I know it's pretty contradictory. Not sure what I can do about it. . .
• @"When I said we couldn't be friends I didn't mean it. Can we be friends? I miss you" (December 6 rant) --- I've missed you a lot too. Try something you haven't done all semester and reach out to me.
• @Ask me out already!!- little clue as to who this is, or who you like, would be really helpful!
• @"that actually would make me even more willing/(I'm not sure if this is for me though)" (Dec. 6 wanting to date before frequent sex)-- Sorry I only just saw this! You sound really interested :)
• @Ask me out already!!- little clue as to who this is, or who you like, would be really helpful!
• @Boys in sweaters are so sexy-- Thanks :) -Boy-in-sweater
• @I'm not a slut but my attitude toward sex is YOLO. . .--- spoken like a true slut. I've been right where you are now. Trust me. Stop screwing around, get tested, and work on truly getting to know yourself better. Then you'll start attracting men that not only will want you in bed, but who will cherish you for all you are.
• @"Damnit I miss you and I'd do anything to hear your voice right now. Except contact you." -- Contact him. It's worth it. You'll always regret it if you don't. He may still love you.
• Girls, remember the law of karma: If you treat a guy poorly who loves you, expect the same treatment from a later guy you love.
• @"I can't seem to forget about you"- you should really contact this person. They may love you, and they definitely still have feelings for you ;)
• @"I don't know what it is, but I'm stuck on you. . ."-- talk to the person! Seriously you should reach out! You have nothing to lose!
• @"Why are we both so busy? Seeing you is more or less the highlight of my week, but it happens so infrequently." -- you should reach out to him/ her directly and say this. I guarantee you they'll really appreciate it. They may even feel the same about you!
• @I think I like you but what am I so afraid of?"-- That's one of the dumbest things I've ever heard. If you like him you like him. He also might be much larger than you'd expect. You'll never know if you don't try.
• @"So I'm really into this guy, but I'm embarrassed because I have zero experience."-- That isn't bad at all, he'll likely respect you more (if he's a good guy). Don't worry, I know a lot of girls and guys in the same situation as you.
• @I miss your ginger hair and the way you like to dress: Hahaha I'm a ginger but I don't think this is for me. Either way, just reach out to this person. They might just miss you too. You won't know unless you try
• Seriously. Stop being such a whore. I've never met you but my friends know you. Everyone thinks you were such a better, kinder person last year.
• I never told him how sorry I was for how I treated him. Now he's gone and I'll never be able to tell him how much I treasured our time together.
• LET'S ALL HATE ON NEW JERSEY AHHHHH!!! -a happy New Yorker
• @"No, we need something in the tunnel that meets the following criteria: Dirt cheap Food that is terrible for you Open late" Yo quiero Taco Bell?
• sometimes, I still need you.
• @"to the girl next to me if she asked her friend if she was annoying..." Dude you might need a HIMYM intervention. Maybe I was annoying to you bc you were jealous of me. #sorrynotsorry
• I have an extra Of Montreal and Foxygen ticket for the 9:30 club show this Friday. Who wants it? $25
• @ The dumbass who kissed their professor: Probably should not have put that in Eagle Rants. We will find you.
• Yo AU if you gonna set up a menorah...light it up ....it's not legitimate if you jus stick it there.....tf Kerwin, where'es your religious awareness homie?
• To the cute guy who always participates in my sociology class, I had a crush on you all semester!!!! Just hearing your voice two made class bearable. Then I saw you hanging out in front of MGC with frat guys.... I think I still like you though.
• Why is it that here at AU, no guys have asked me out all semester (tdr doesn't count...), but as soon as I step out to Georgetown, I get two offers???? Looking forward to going to Georgetown more often!
• some of you guys are such nerds in ranking schools. 1 for ranking academic schools and 2 for ranking them using nerd things like Harry Potter and whatever the houses thing is referencing.
• Cant wait to go home to Chicago so I dont have to hear about Massachusetts or New Jersey or New York aka the most annoying places ever
• I keep thinking about that night together. I know you don't think I remember, but I remember.
• Ian McKellen has cancer! NOOOOOOOOOOO
• I wish more people at AU would go to WEIRD electronic concerts with me.
• So many people come and go in our lives. What I would do for a little permanence.
• Yo, there some scandalous shiznit goin up in her wit peoplez hookin up wit profezors.
• a few wks ago I posted saying I was gonna build up the courage for your digits. Well I have them, and we haven't texted yet. Obvi you don't like me, even though all the subconscious signs are there- feet pointed my way, belly button, pupils. We have 2 classes together, so friday let's just get down and dirty.
• Yea its the quiet girl which means I'm allowed to whisper! Stop giving me those angry looks! 3rdflr Mck side around 735 you left!!!
• Procrastinating by thinking about you. ohhh this is bad in every possible way.
• The U.S. government is the only entity with more bureaucracy than AU
• My boyfriend treats me like his wife. The problem isn't that he doesn't love me...he does. It's just I feel like he's not attracted to me anymore physically, and that it's a different kind of love, almost...bored comfort. Like how you love your mom or something. He said that's not the case but I still feel like this....anyone else in similar situations? WHAT should I do??
• My boyfriend and I have been dating for a while. He checks out other girls openly in front of me, claiming that its normal for guys to look at other girls when they are in committed relationships. This honestly is crushing my self-esteem and making me feel sex-appeal-less and ugly. Is this normal behavior on his part...?
• Seriously AU?? 'Shopping while Black?!' How about 'Attending your program while white?'
• My neighbor keeps whistling a song that includes a bit that sounds like Rue's tune for the Mockingjays in The Hunger Games... I keep whistling that part back every time he whistles it.
• Urgh, I don't like hurting people. I'm just not interested in you.
• Awkward Penguin over here
• Grumpy Cat is so Grumpy
• Sorry, but the people who are putting on 'shopping while black' are really just being racists to white people. How would you like if we made an event like 'shopping while white?' after all, you guys would get all pissed off and cry 'racism' if we even created a White Student Alliance. Stop perpetuating racism by putting on events like this.
• Alright eaglerants lets see who has the best claim to complaining about their finals. Who thinks they've had it worst in terms of writing essays for their finals? I'll start the bidding at 61 pages not including works cited. I'm sure people can top that.
• Starting to wonder if I'm ever going to find someone...
• So if you booty called me, does that mean I can booty call you too?
