We often engage in “wrap it up” discourse when discussing safe sex.
We promote condom use to the point where condoms become the primary way in which we measure the health of our sexual encounters.
Truthfully, safe sex is more than this. We need to adopt a more comprehensive definition of safe sex beyond condom use, encouraging young people to communicate with their partners and to ultimately relate to and understand their own bodies in a healthy manner.
When it comes to sex and sexuality, we rarely think of our bodies as subjects worthy of attention. Even when we love them - which is in itself a triumph - we treat them like tools. We treat our bodies like containers we walk around in, the ultimate accessory to be dressed up, dressed down and scrutinized.
Too often we disassociate ourselves from our bodies, talking about them like they can’t hear us, like they’re not in the room with us.
The truth is, however, that our bodies don’t just belong to us, they are us.
In the bedroom, our bodies are more than passive participants. The way we use our bodies, the way we experience them on our own and with others, how we treat them and how we talk about them impacts how we understand ourselves.
Promoting safe sex, then, isn’t as simple as saying, “Use a condom.”
This rhetoric disassociates us from our bodies, once again treating them like accessories we can bedazzle and order around without any emotional repercussions.
Safe sex can’t just be something that we “do” to our bodies. We don’t “do” safe sex. We must experience it more holistically and with conscious intent.
We are taught that sex without condoms is “bad,” indicating that we have no respect for our partners or ourselves.
Likewise, we’re taught that only condoms can make our sex legitimate.
This rigid dichotomy between protected and unprotected intercourse oversimplifies our sexualities. Even though a condom is important, we are more than thin layers of latex between our bodies.
There is a need to protect ourselves, but in a way that doesn’t create more regulation or invoke more shame.
When promoting safe sex we must proceed with caution and treat our bodies as more than accessories, more than a means to an end.
Condoms prevent HIV transmission, but we can’t reduce our bodies to this single function, measuring our value by the presence or absence of a condom as if this alone can determine our self-worth.
Safe sex dialogue must be more holistic, less about body policing and more about engaging the body as a site more complicated and more inherently valuable than “wrap it up” discourse permits.
We should be teaching young people how to communicate with their partners and form mutual decisions, to respect their bodies, to get tested, to educate themselves and to evaluate their risks.
Be skeptical of any discourse that proposes a one-size-fits-all model. Our experiences are not monolithic, and those who don’t fit these expectations will inevitably be ashamed of their bodies. The rest of us will look in the mirror and not recognize our bodies as important because we have internalized the idea that they are nothing more than tools to prevent HIV transmission, but this isn’t true.
Condoms are tools, but bodies are not.
Derek Siegel is a sophomore in the College of Arts and Sciences.
edpage@theeagleonline.com
