The following piece is satire and should not be misconstrued for actual reporting. Any resemblance to a student, staff or faculty member is coincidental.
It’s 7 p.m., and you and your friends want something to eat. As the day winds down, where will you find food? For me, there is only one option good enough to please both your stomach and your aesthetic: The Terrace Dining Room.
Ok, I’m guilty. I absolutely love TDR. I’ll be the first to proudly admit that. I firmly believe that TDR is the best dining option on campus, perhaps the best in all of the DC.
It’s hard for me to even begin to discuss what I love most about TDR, but I feel obligated to first address the food. My taste buds have never experienced anything quite like it before. From the moment you bite into that overcooked burger on a slightly stale bun until you finish your dry cupcake with barely any icing, your mouth will experience a rollercoaster of amazing flavors (and your stomach will feel like you just got off of one).
My personal favorite food TDR has to offer is its pizza. If you’re a fan of thin crust pizza, prepare to be blown away. The whole pizza itself is usually so thin that you can see right through it. Innovative is an understatement.
I’ve heard people complain quite often about the scrambled eggs served during breakfast. Rather than being home cooked from real eggs, TDR eggs come from powder in a bag. I fail to see the problem with this; some of the best foods ever come in bags. Just think about Cheetos, popcorn or potato chips next time you criticize food for being bagged.
Many are quick to point out that TDR rarely even puts their food out, especially outside of peak dining hours. And I agree, food is scarce during these times. But that isn't necessarily a bad thing. I believe that there is a very valuable lesson to be learned when food isn’t available: you can’t expect to always have everything placed out for you on silver platters.
If you show up at 4 p.m. expecting a sandwich and find that nothing’s out, TDR teaches us that life is just a matter of being the first one to take advantage of your opportunities. And I think that’s beautiful. Do you learn any valuable life lessons when you go to Cava? I think not.
Enough about the food. I truly believe that, when you swipe in to TDR, you’re swiping in for the whole experience. The environment at TDR is hands-down the best setting I’ve ever experienced in a dining establishment. The pillars covered with images of trees make me forget that I’m in the basement of MGC and make me feel as if I’m lost in a fantasy forest.
We also can’t forget about how incredible the music is. Whoever created their playlist deserves all of my tuition money because I’ve never heard anything like the music played over the speakers in TDR. I could recite every single word of Ellie Goulding’s “On My Mind” off the top of my head, as I’ve heard it about 500 times now. I’m not complaining.
Do I think TDR is perfect? No, but nothing ever is. I don’t let its very minor flaws get in the way of my dining experience. Nothing will ever change my mind about TDR being the Citizen Kane of American restaurants.
I’m a very proud TDR wonk, and I’m not afraid to let the world know.
Caeden Cloud is a freshman in the School of Public Affairs and a satire columnist at The Eagle.
