Satire

Opinion

Satire: American University to announce new school of arts

By Aidan Dowell | December 11

New college in the works to drum up interest for prospective eagles

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Opinion

Satire: The Seagle’s horoscope predictions

By The Seagle Staff | December 6

This is science and also fact

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Opinion

Satire: Top 12 things we miss about living in New Jersey

By The Seagle Staff | November 21

We’re not not gonna put the swamp monster

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Opinion

Satire: Uh oh! You just realized that your mom’s a person!

By Jasmine Shi | October 17

Guys I’m not a sociopath

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Opinion

Satire: American University’s Student Government celebrates the election of their 4,000th member

By Jack Leary | October 11

SG hopes expanded bureaucracy might finally allow them to make meaningful change

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Opinion

SATIRE: Help! I met your mom during move-in and now I can’t stop thinking about her!

By Jasmine Shi | August 20

Dare I say MILF? Whatevs. You’re gonna need a dictionary.

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Opinion

Satire: Most Embarrassing TDR Foods

By The Seagle Staff | June 6

Nothing like eating a warm meat in front of your peers

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Opinion

Satire: Alabama-native sorority prospective expresses discontent with AU Panhellenic

By Allie Grande | May 2

DEI = Don’t Even Initiate

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Opinion

Satire: A letter from your future President Jonathan ‘J-dawg’ Alger

By The Seagle Staff | April 26

Burwell was nice and all, but that’s enough feminism for now

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Opinion

Satire: Pampered white boy says Letts Hall is the hood

By Jack Leary | April 23

Kevin shares his struggle in an underprivileged living-learning community

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Opinion

SATIRE: Housing and Residence Life to prioritize ‘screwing you over’ in series of new policy reforms

By Aidan Dowell | April 17

Like Sisyphus and his boulder, HRL is committed to keeping your days long, and your suffering eternal

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Opinion

SATIRE: MGC third floor to be converted into rentable workspace

By Aidan Dowell | March 18

Our resident Kogodesses have big, marketable plans for the out-of-commission top floor of the Mary Graydon Center

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Opinion

SATIRE: Your ‘third place’ SUCKS!

By Jasmine Shi | March 7

Here’s the best bits of concrete on campus to hang out on

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Opinion

Satire: The DPA found laying traps for male students to increase enrollment

By Ian Thornbrugh and India Siecke | February 21

Tactics included setting out opened cans of sloppy joe filling under comically large brown cardboard boxes

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Opinion

Satire: The Seagle’s official list of the worst ways to say your school year

By The Seagle Staff | February 7

May the world freeze over, and with it, the icy tomb of your 31 AP credits 

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Opinion

Satire: ‘The Office’ style documentary follows Hilltern for a day

By Allie Grande | January 23

Behind the scenes of the never-aired episode

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Opinion

Satire: Revamped One Card currencies as simple as ever

By Ian Thornbrugh | December 15

Your One Card really does do it all

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