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Sunday, Dec. 1, 2024

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Satire

Satire Seagle

Satire: American University claims it was preparing Jewish students for the professional world by ignoring their most important holidays

By India Siecke · Wednesday, Nov. 30, 2022

'From being bureaucratically confusing to ignoring minorities, American does our utmost to mirror the real world as possible'

Satire Seagle

Satire: AU Provost issues concise email

By Nora Sullivan · Wednesday, Aug. 24, 2022

University committed to increasing length and frequency of emails

Satire Seagle

Satire: Leaked draft of 2022-2023 budget proposes paying adjunct faculty in unshelled peanuts

By Nora Sullivan · Thursday, June 23, 2022

‘The decision to pay our faculty in actual US currency was egregiously wrong from the start’

Satire Seagle

Opinion

Satire: The Smirkshire accidentally triples cost of rent due to clerical error

By Nora Sullivan | May 23

“We are experiencing doubts as to whether we are truly sorry at all”

Satire Seagle

Opinion

Satire: Building that time forgot discovered on campus

By Owen Boice | April 28

Sports Center Annex never before seen by student eyes

Satire Seagle

Opinion

Satire: Nine questions never to ask a graduating senior

By Owen Boice | April 18

‘Are you seeking gainful employment?’

Satire Seagle

Opinion

Satire: American University’s perpetual midterm season

By Nora Sullivan | April 13

Efforts to secure one singular, midterm-free moment fail

Satire Seagle

Opinion

Satire: Top 5 ways AU students spent spring break

By Ian Thornbrugh | April 12

'I couldn’t wait to get back to campus and not have to worry about mandatory testing'

Satire Seagle

Opinion

Satire: Incoming Tenleytown supermarket offers students new chance to sell labor power to capitalist class

By Owen Boice | March 23

Students to have more capitalist exploiters to choose from

Satire Seagle

Opinion

Satire: White male student gives University heads up before filing bogus discrimination complaint

By Ian Thornbrugh | March 14

Office of Equity collectively sighs and stares at floor

Satire Seagle

Opinion

Satire: Jaded juniors realize college is nothing like the movies

By Nora Sullivan | February 23

College is a place for learning, right? Wrong.

Satire Seagle

Opinion

Satire: AU alum doing something that reflects positively on University

By Owen Boice | February 22

Communications officials have yet to release name, what the alum is doing

Satire Seagle

Opinion

Satire: Defective U-Pass experiencing existential crisis

By Owen Boice | February 18

The pass told The Seagle it was subject to teasing by functional U-Passes

Satire Seagle

Opinion

Satire: AU men’s basketball team reflects on virtual start to season

By Nora Sullivan | February 17

‘When I saw an opportunity to pass, I lobbed the ball at my screen with total confidence’

Satire Seagle

Opinion

Satire: McDowell hall elevator’s revival perceived as a prank after nearly a semester of construction

By Emily Brignand | February 7

'I was betting on the end of next semester for the elevator to be fixed'

Satire Seagle

Opinion

Satire: AU officials host bourgeois dinner to discuss charging full price meal plans during pandemic

By Ian Thornbrugh | January 27

Students rejoice from the comfort of their parents’ homes

Satire Seagle

Opinion

Satire: Students find new strategies to feign attentiveness on Zoom

By Nora Sullivan | January 26

Multitasking meal prep, fake Zoom backgrounds among schemes

Satire Seagle

Opinion

Satire: Handshake recruits under-qualified students for high-ranking positions

By Nora Sullivan | January 25

‘Do they even vet these people?’

Satire Seagle

Opinion

Satire: Campus-wide email blast ghost writer quits: ‘I can’t take the pressure’

By Owen Boice | January 24

Low engagement rate contributes to staffing change

Satire Seagle

Opinion

Satire: First-year student returns home for Thanksgiving with entirely new personality

By Nora Sullivan | December 16

Family weighs in: Who is Kant, and what has he done with my son?

The UFL and Why it's Good for the Sport

Section 202 hosts Connor Sturniolo and Gabrielle McNamee are joined by fellow Eagle staff member and phenomenal sports photographer, Josh Markowitz. Follow along as they discuss the United Football League and the benefits it provides for the world of professional football.

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