Satire

Opinion

Satire: Students forget how to take notes by hand

By Nora Sullivan | November 17

‘I haven’t written anything down in two years’

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Opinion

Satire: Library books disappointed no one checks them out anymore

By Owen Boice | November 11

Tensions rise as rogue books take action

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Opinion

Satire: Student researcher discovers sizable portion of classmates are future war criminals

By Owen Boice | November 5

Next most popular careers include robber barons and corporate lobbyists

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Opinion

Satire: A conversation with AU’s 4 most successful fall-breakers

By Nora Sullivan | November 1

‘Classes are a nuisance to the resume. Now that they’re canceled for the day, go get that Hillternship!’

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Opinion

Satire: New epidemic sweeps campus: imposter syndrome

By Nora Sullivan | October 20

Novel strain proves most dangerous strain yet

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Opinion

Satire: Sticky note messages on dorm windows lacking in creativity this fall

By Owen Boice | October 12

Director of admissions says sticky notes are important recruitment effort for prospective parents

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Opinion

Satire: Student walks in other direction to avoid potentially awkward encounter with Zoom classmate

By Owen Boice | September 23

“If I had said hello, what would we have even talked about?”

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Opinion

Satire: Lone mask on sidewalk outside Hughes has seen better days

By Owen Boice | September 15

“When I was back on the shelf at Target, in a plastic case with four friends, that was a lot more fun”

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Opinion

Satire: Students resort to passing notes during class

By Owen Boice | September 8

Transition to in-person learning exacerbated by absence of Zoom private chat feature

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Opinion

Satire: The fall 2021 guide to making friends on campus

By Nora Sullivan | September 6

The Seagle’s guide to a successful semester

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Opinion

Satire: Catching up with AU’s five science majors

By Nora Sullivan | August 2

Science students take comfort in their new space away from political science majors

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Opinion

Satire: AU requires COVID vaccines to bolster University’s liberal reputation

By Nora Sullivan | July 28

AU community breathes a sigh of relief 

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Opinion

Satire: Top 12 most ‘AU’ things students are doing this summer

By Owen Boice | July 22

#5 guaranteed to shock you — just as much as any other thing

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Opinion

Satire: Greek life loses members as students find out what it actually is

By Owen Boice | June 28

“If you still want to be part of an exclusive club, Kogod is always an option.”

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Opinion

Satire: AU assures students they can still be wonks even after end of “WONK” brand campaign

By Owen Boice | May 13

Students react to change in marketing strategy

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Opinion

Satire: Student at center of COVID outbreak staying safe by only seeing people in 25-person bubble

By Bobbie Armstrong | April 10

Everyone in the mosh pit was wearing a mask!

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Opinion

Satire: Students excited to return to campus for summer session, fall semester, oh who knows when

By Owen Boice | April 8

“I can’t wait to get back to campus tomorrow, next semester, or in 10 years.”

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