Satire

Opinion

Satire: AU reports record drop in campus alcohol consumption this year

By Owen Boice | February 15

Administrators chalk it up to stellar online training course, “AlcoholEdu”

---

Opinion

Satire: Students speculate on what Vice President-elect Harris’ husband will wear on inauguration day

By Owen Boice | January 3

The following piece is satire and should not be misconstrued for actual reporting. Any resemblance to a student, staff or faculty member is coincidental. This year, students at American University are speculating wildly about what Vice President-elect Kamala Harris’ husband Douglas Emhoff will wear ...

---

Opinion

Satire: What your horoscope is for finals season

By Aliza Schuler | December 9

We all need a little hope right now

---

Opinion

Satire: Easy TDR meals you can make from home

By Aliza Schuler | November 23

For those who are just missing TDR a bit too much

---

Opinion

Satire: 5 ways to keep yourself awake during Zoom classes

By Owen Boice | November 18

What to do when your eyeballs are about to fall out

---

Opinion

Senior desperately trying to convince friends her semester abroad in France was inspiration for ‘Emily in Paris’

By Bobbie Armstrong | November 4

There’s a lot of people named Emily that may have been in Paris at some point

---

Opinion

Satire: AU commits to announcing spring 2021 plans when they feel like it

By Owen Boice | October 23

Decision to be based on mounting financial losses

---

Opinion

Satire: Lonely Republican student changes Zoom background to ‘I heart capitalism’

By Owen Boice | October 14

Finding other Republicans at AU may be one computer click away

---

Opinion

Satire: Debate fly probably dead by now

By Bobbie Armstrong | October 8

It was fun while it lasted

---

Opinion

Satire: Wonk Cat takes semester off to backpack through Europe

By Owen Boice | September 19

Campus’s only feline resident defers for a semester after classes go online

---

Opinion

Satire: AU leaves Blackboard for younger, hotter educational platform

By Bobbie Armstrong | September 1

The grass is always greener on the next assignment

---

Opinion

Satire: 5 ways to spend the 10 percent you’re saving on tuition

By Bobbie Armstrong | August 20

You can splurge on a large at Philz now!

---

Opinion

Satire: AU announces plan to welcome 7,500 revenue streams back to campus

By Owen Boice | June 28

University to welcome students’ payments this fall, some instruction may occur

---

Opinion

Satire: Professor actually conducts class competently online

By Owen Boice | April 30

Students are not the only ones struggling to adapt to remote instruction

---

Opinion

Satire: Infamous Georgetown reject applies to transfer again

By Grace Barry | March 2

AU sophomore tackles the application process once more

---

Opinion

Satire: Quiet student finally speaks up in class discussion and makes controversial comment

By Owen Boice | February 22

For the first time this semester, one AU sophomore decided to speak

---

Opinion

Satire: Starbucks wall word search is just too difficult for students to crack

By Justin Poulin | February 20

Elementary level puzzle stumps hundreds of elites

---