Satire

Opinion

Satire: Administration commits $61 million towards photoshopping diversity into recruitment brochures

By Bobbie Armstrong | March 18

Diversity that’s a little one-dimensional

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Opinion

Satire: TDR music attracts students by the thousands to go party on the weekends

By Nicole Klokiw | March 6

Students are passing the aux right back to their favorite campus dining establishment

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Opinion

Satire: AU alum offers students life advice on how to hand food through a drive-thru window

By Chris Whitbeck | February 19

“I’m always happy to prepare my fellow Eagles for their futures”

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Opinion

Satire: Administration announces five-year plan to implement 10-year plan in five years

By Bobbie Armstrong | February 11

Real change just takes a little while

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Opinion

Satire: Pink wall in Katzen honors national Pepto Bismol celebration day

By Nicole Klokiw | February 8

The popular wall unites students in a display of stomach relief solidarity 

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Opinion

Satire: Confused SG senator relieved that government shutdown won’t impact her stipend

By Chris Whitbeck | February 7

Jamie Johnson is humbled to be reminded why she serves in the first place

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Opinion

Satire: Analysts rank Eagle-Secure among the most pressing issues of our time

By Caeden Cloud | February 1

A new analysis finds that AU’s Wi-Fi network is not considered trustworthy

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Opinion

Satire: MLK Day of Service consists of searching for loose change to donate to University diversity initiatives

By Nickolaus Mack | January 20

It started out as a joke, but it might just work

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Opinion

Satire: AU announces sweeping changes to how it ignores your mental health

By Chris Whitbeck | December 10

University plans to introduce “Failbucks,” a way to help students develop a healthy “appetite for risk and failure”

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Opinion

Satire: Report finds AU students most politically active, least sexually active

By Bobbie Armstrong | December 10

Why hook up when you can listen to Pod Save America instead?

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Opinion

Satire: Auxiliary Services vows to tell you what exactly they do by 2022

By Chris Whitbeck | December 3

A look inside the department that AU doesn’t want you to know about

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Opinion

Satire: AU student devotes his life to finally seeing the inside of the Student Health Center

By Caeden Cloud | November 29

Sophomore believes he’s uncovered a conspiracy about sinister activity in the center

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Opinion

Satire: If you thought voter suppression was good, just wait till you get a load of voter oppression, per exit polls

By Chris Whitbeck | November 16

Polls suggest Republicans may have better luck, and more fun, by outright oppressing voters

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Opinion

Satire: AU student terrified to admit he forgot to apply for an absentee ballot

By Lauren Patetta | November 15

If anyone finds out, he’s a dead man

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Opinion

Satire: TDR realizes it’s been operating in the wrong time zone

By Caeden Cloud | November 14

An unnoticed error during daylight savings five years ago explains why AU’s only dining hall closes so early

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Opinion

Satire: Students too hungry for political power to notice free food on election night

By Caeden Cloud | November 12

AU was so invested in the 2018 midterm elections that a full buffet went virtually untouched

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Opinion

Satire: Big if true: AU students remember climate change exists

By Nicole Klokiw | November 6

Students are scrambling to save their world one plastic straw at a time

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