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Monday, Sept. 23, 2024
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Scene

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A satisfying sex life comes from knowing how to get yourself off

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It doesn't take adolescent boys very long to figure out that if they keep touching themselves in a centralized location they will produce a euphoric feeling - and eventually something that needs to be cleaned up before mom walks in. I had my first real orgasm while I was still in my "Days of Delusion" (I still thought I was straight) while watching some Alicia Silverstone movie where a kidnapper forces her to undress.

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Past Austin city limits

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If the Austin City Limits music festival had a custom-made perfume, it would consist of two parts body odor for every one part marijuana smoke. Spraying the scent would spread a cloud of dust throughout any space, and the bottle would come embedded in a nest of dry grass and burrs (or "stickers," as they call them down south).

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Horoscopes

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Aries (March 21 - April 19) If he or she wants to be with you, baby, there's a price to pay. You're a genie in a bottle, and he or she has to rub you the right way. Just remember, there's a reason your heart is saying no. Lucky undergarment: Negligee. Taurus (April 20 - May 20) Oops, you did it again! You played with some hearts, and got lost in the game.

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Put a 'hex' on these 'goners'

The Hexagon comedy troupe National Theatre D Some things are free for a reason. This quickly became obvious while attending what was billed as a "scintillating political, satirical and musical comedy revue" known as "The Hexagon" at the National Theatre. The performance was part of the theatre's "Monday Night at the National" fall performance series, where various concerts, musicians and drama troupes perform for small audiences.


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Black Cat preview: Greenhornes to open for Brendan Benson

Cincinnati's the Greenhornes have quite the impressive resume for not having released an album since 2002. With their fingers firmly holding onto Jack White's belt loops, they're along for the ride of their previously unexposed lives. Patrick Keeler, drummer for the band, said he likes playing both the large venues that come with opening for the White Stripes and the small clubs, like the Black Cat, that preceding a Brendan Benson set brings.


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Whedon has finally found 'Serenity'

What do you get when the Morlochs from H.G. Well's "Time Machine" mix with the Orcs from Tolkien's "Lord of The Rings" and enter the "Star Wars" universe? "Serenity," of course. Based on the Fox TV series "Firefly," "Serenity" is an outer space adventure in the same vein as "Star Wars.


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Out of context

"Facts are meaningless. You could use facts to prove anything that's even remotely true!" - Homer Simpson Some University College students in McDowell, who allegedly never leave the lounge, confirmed this suspicion in song. The lyrics went a little something like this: "We're always in the loooouunge/Yeaaahh Yeaaah.


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Jessica Alba goes 'Into the Blue'

"Jessica Alba plus Paul Walker equals cinema gold!" This must have been the premise from which "Into the Blue" was born. Granted, Jessica Alba certainly knows how to hold the attention of an audience, and Paul Walker is no slouch in the looks department, either.


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David Lynch extolls value of transcendental meditation

American University will soon be one of the first colleges to participate in a two-year research project on transcendental meditation and its effects on college students, said Bob Roth, vice President of the David Lynch Foundation. On Tuesday, David Lynch, the award-winning film director of "Mulholland Drive," "Twin Peaks" and "Blue Velvet," was joined in Bender Arena by quantum physicist Dr.


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M.I.A. found in action at 9:30 Club

Maya Arulpragasam (also known as M.I.A.) is here to conquer the world, armed with ultra tangy beats and lyrics like, "I bongo, with my lingo, and beat it like a wing, yo." This UK-based, Sri Lankan emcee is one of the most highly anticipated musical acts this year, and D.


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Kids paint picture of society

On Monday, the Intercultural Management Institute welcomed "Children's Art From Around The World" to American University. The exhibit, which runs in McKinley Hall through December, was made possible by The International Child Art Foundation (ICAF), a non-profit organization that promotes children's creativity and the arts both nationally and internationally.


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Service group doesn't mind getting splashed

Anyone who frequents the D.C. Central Kitchen stands a good chance of running across a large group of volunteers wearing nametags stamped with reddish moons. Standing in the kitchen dicing potatoes, he or she might ask, "What on Earth does 'Burgundy Crescent' mean?" Burgundy Crescent is not a typical name for a community service or Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, Transgender and Allies group.


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Scene brief: Book Fest brings big names to Mall

Thousands of people gathered at the Mall yesterday for the fifth annual National Book Festival, sponsored by the Library of Congress. Over 80 authors attended the festival, hosted by first lady Laura Bush. Several tents were set up between Seventh and 14th streets, each dedicated to a different literary genre.


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Moviegoers won't be 'Wow'-ed by retro roller skating flick

A movie about roller-skating in the late 1970s starring Bow Wow would make anyone skeptical. Even for Bow Wow fans, the premise just sounds a little dumb. Thankfully, "Roll Bounce" isn't as dumb as it sounds. The story: Bow Wow plays X, an everyday '70s teenager who concentrates on his love of roller-skating to deal with the death of his mother.


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Tech bits

EB Games website sells out of Xbox 360s EB Games, the online equivalent of Electronics Boutique, has stopped taking preorders for the Microsoft Xbox 360, set for release on Nov. 22. The store has sold out of their launch allotment. There is no word on when a second batch of Xbox 360s would become available.


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D.C. says farewell

Countless are the bands who keep going well past their expiration date, devolving into sad, depressing shades of their former selves (ahem, R.E.M.). On Friday night, John Davis, Harris Klahr and Chris Richards of D.C.'s Q and Not U did what few bands can find the guts to do: they ended with a bang, not a whimper.


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The hit list

1. OK Go's "A Million Ways" video Perhaps the sweetest music vide ever. In "A Million Ways" a completely stationary camera captures - in a single shot - the four members of OK Go prancing about lead singer/guitarist Damian Kulash's backyard in suits, ties and sweater vests.



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Music notes

Matt Pond PA "Several Arrows Later" (Altitude) Sounds like: Bouncy indie-pop with shades of sadness, yet without the depression. A- There are two primary things working against Matt Pond PA. Firstly, the band, fronted by Matt Pond himself, has had its music featured on the indie hype wasteland that is "The O.


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Cardiff's audio walk brings history to life

"Words Drawn in Water" audio walk Janet Cardiff Hirshhorn Musuem Wednesdays to Sundays, 11 a.m. to 3 p.m. Through Oct. 30 A- Hop on the AU shuttle to Tenleytown. Take the Metro to the Smithsonian stop. Walk toward the Capitol until arriving at the Hirshhorn Gallery.



Section 202 hosts Connor Sturniolo and Gabrielle McNamee are joined by fellow Eagle staff member and phenomenal sports photographer, Josh Markowitz. Follow along as they discuss the United Football League and the benefits it provides for the world of professional football.


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